Obama wholeheartedly endorses only option - The Beaverton

Obama wholeheartedly endorses only option

WASHINGTON, DC – Former President has announced his enthusiastic support for by endorsing him over all other current Democratic candidates.

“I cannot think of a better candidate than Joe, who is also the only candidate. Is that… have we checked that? We’re absolutely sure? Warren is definitely out? Sanders too? What about that Inslee guy, he seemed smart, is there any chance he…? No. Okay. Joe it is,” Obama said in a video he released today endorsing Biden.

Obama, whose endorsement will be critical to the Democrats’ chances of taking back the White House in November, refused to support any specific candidate during the crowded and contentious Democratic primary, instead relying on cryptic hints to steer primary voters, like “please don’t let nostalgia guide you” and “I sure hope the candidate is someone who has the best PLANS for the FUTURE and doesn’t rely solely on past associations.”

“I know Joe very well, and his accomplishments during my administration are numerous,” said Obama. “There was the time he stood behind me as I signed the Affordable Care Act, the time he sat next to me as I oversaw the mission to take out Osama bin Laden, and of course the time he held my umbrella as we got off Air Force One. If you need a president who can hold a good umbrella, Joe’s your guy.”

Obama concluded his endorsement by stating that “Joe is a [unintelligible mumbles] man. He’s the candidate we have, and that’s… great. Just great. He’s a good… uh, he’s a good… choice. Yes sir. Good choice. Excellent choice. Really [massive sigh] just, a great good choice.”

The Biden campaign is taking advantage of the publicity they’re receiving after Obama’s ringing endorsement to unveil their new campaign slogan: “Vote Biden. You have to.”