TORONTO – After months of behaving like a different, more competent and compassionate premier, Doug Ford says he has finally found himself again this week after blaming young Ontarians’ &#...
Avatar 2 delayed until after Avatar 3
LOS ANGELES – Director James Cameron has announced today that Avatar 2, the long-gestating sequel to his 2009 magnum opus, has been delayed by COVID-19 restrictions, and will not be coming to th...
Lame coronavirus party infects 0 people
TUSCALOOSA, AL- The latest in an underwhelming series of coronavirus parties at a University of Alabama frat house has reportedly failed to create a single new case of COVID-19. “This party blows. The...
Webster’s dictionary changes definition of ‘sarcasm’ to ‘I totally meant what I said but now I got in trouble for it so I’m going to backpedal’
Springfield, MA – Merriam-Webster’s dictionary has changed the definition of the term ‘sarcasm’ to ‘I totally meant what I said but now I got in trouble for it so I’m going to backpedal,’ in ord...
Twitter confident most users will pay for the privilege of getting called a dumb bitch
SAN FRANCISCO – Twitter confirmed today that it is looking to boost falling revenues by asking users to pay money in order to be harassed by strangers online. “We are exploring ways to give Twit...
Gay Man hospitalized for Drag Race Exhaustion
VANCOUVER – A local man has been hospitalized for what medical professionals are calling “a severe case of DRE: Drag Race Exhaustion”. Paramedics were reportedly called in after twen...
Companies furious employees choosing CERB over work briefly consider paying more
TORONTO – Companies outraged that employees would choose to take the $2,000.00 Emergency Response Benefit over returning to work 40-50 hours per week in the midst of a pandemic briefly considere...
Blue Jays offer to change name to something racist in order to find new home in U.S.
Anywhere but TORONTO – After the Toronto Blue Jays have been barred from playing in their home city and rejected by Pittsburgh, the desperate team has stated they are willing to change their nam...
Doug Ford tells young people with COVID-19 to stop partying and start waiting tables indoors
TORONTO – In response to an increase in the proportion of new coronavirus infections among people in their 20s and 30s in Ontario, premier Doug Ford has urged young people to stop partying irres...
Tooth Fairy admits she would also pay for other body parts
OSLO – In an exclusive interview with Norway’s NRK1, the Tooth Fairy, a magical being who is known for slipping into children’s rooms at night and leaving money in exchange for one of their baby...
