TORONTO – After months of behaving like a different, more competent and compassionate premier, Doug Ford says he has finally found himself again this week after blaming young Ontarians’ “partying” for a COVID spike and introducing legislation that will make it easier for landlords to evict tenants.
“Each day I praised front-line workers or promoted our universal healthcare system I’d come home, look in the mirror and be like, who are you?,” said Ford. “But then I remembered my Thoreau – ‘Not until we are lost do we begin to find ourselves’ and I felt this deep inner calm and knew I had to allow landlords to evict tenants without a board hearing.”
“Knowing others is intelligence. Knowing yourself is true wisdom. And knowing that an increased rise in COVID cases isn’t caused by your government allowing restaurants and bars to serve indoors but by millennials partying is the greatest wisdom of all,” he added.
Aides and the family members not suing him had been worried about Ford ever since the pandemic began, noting his low energy and refusal to claim that coronavirus was a Chinese hoax.
“He still said folks a bunch, but you can tell he didn’t really mean it,” said one staffer.
They credit his spirit returning to his meditation routine, where he spends at least 30 minutes every day relaxed by the sounds of water lapping on a dock, green space being cleared for housing development, and the ‘I’m mad as hell and I’m not gonna take it anymore’ speech from Network.
“I can’t wait to see what I come up with next now that I’m back,” said Ford. “Maybe I’ll lower taxes or cut Toronto’s city council again. Or maybe I’ll just keep on doing all the horrible things I’ve been doing that no one talked about because the media was too busy praising my tone and leadership.”