Coronavirus inside air passenger excited about Doug Ford’s cuts to public health
SOMEWHERE OVER THE PACIFIC OCEAN – A Coronavirus cell incubating in an air passenger destined for Pearson International Airport is eager to exploit the many ‘efficiencies’ in the public hea…
Terry Jones goes to that great giant foot in the sky
LONDON – The world is in mourning today after it was announced that Terry Jones, distinguished actor, director, writer, and member of the beloved comedy team Monty Python, has finally made the fi…
World Economic Forum in Davos experiencing crippling top hat shortage
DAVOS-KLOSTERS, SWITZERLAND – The latest annual meeting of the World Economic Forum has descended into chaos and anger due to a shortage of top hats and other necessary plutocrat accoutreme…
PM causes economy to crash by purchasing doughnuts from local business instead of Brazilian investment firm
WINNIPEG – Prime Minister Justin Trudeau has obliterated the Canadian economy by purchasing doughnuts at a local business instead of the country’s largest chain of quick service restaurants…
Huawei paid us $150 to write this article calling for the acquittal of Meng Wangzhou
VANCOUVER – Tens of thousands of Canadians came out to a Vancouver courthouse to show their support of Meng Wangzhou after we were paid $150 by Huawei to write this article. “Free Meng now!…
BREAKING: Woman who has absorbed decades of unhinged misogynist vitriol does not like one guy
WASHINGTON D.C. — Following reports of Hillary Clinton’s strong criticisms of Bernie Sanders’ campaign and career, the nation has been staggered by the news that a woman who has endured 30 …
Sanders campaign relieved to have dodged Clinton endorsement
WASHINGTON, DC – Following revelations in a new documentary that Hillary Clinton does not support Bernie Sanders, the Sanders campaign office has responded with great relief that they have …
Fairweather Raptors fans excited for whenever the season starts
TORONTO – From coast to coast to coast, fans of the NBA Champion Toronto Raptors who started following the team during last year’s historic playoff run are expressing excitement for the sta…
Harry fired from temp job after giving too many inspirational speeches at drive thru window
VICTORIA – The Duke of Sussex’s employment at a local Tim Hortons was terminated today after he repeatedly gave customers long, uplifting speeches about their important role in society. The…
Nation’s boyfriends begrudgingly moved by Little Women
TORONTO – Several weeks after Greta Gerwig’s 2019 adaptation of Little Women was released, thousands of boyfriends nation-wide confessed to being moved emotionally and spiritually by the fi…
