WOODBRIDGE, ON – Kisko announced a bold new change to its popular Mr. Freeze freezies that will see the plastic sheath replaced with lambskin to protect customers’ mouths when they grip an...
Racist facebook friend got married
Kitchener, ON – Reports from your facebook account indicate that Mitch, a guy you once met on a camping trip and who has been posting increasingly racist memes for several years now, recently go...
Trailer for new Kevin James film confirms: Kevin fall down go boom
Trailers for Kevin James’ latest Netflix film “Bonk if You’re Horny” confirmed that this summer; big dumb toenail Kevin James fall down, much bang, head go boom. Directed by a shook up can of pilsner,...
“I bike everywhere!” brags cyclist who can afford living downtown
TORONTO – Brian McFarlen, a local cyclist who can afford to live less than five minutes from the heart of downtown, has bragged about biking everywhere. “It’s a great way to get around while als...
Ally hospitalized for fatigue
VANCOUVER – Local ally Maggie Jenkins has been rushed to area hospital after suffering from a chronic case of allyship fatigue. “I don’t know what happened,” said Jenkins from her hospital bed i...
Restaurants require female servers to wear skimpier face masks
TORONTO – Restaurants across the GTA are enforcing a new dress code on its female servers obliging them to wear face masks that are tighter and reveal more skin. The new “face thongs” reveals mo...
Trudeau chides vandals for not politely asking statue to stop being monument to brutal racist
OTTAWA – Prime Minister Justin Trudeau wanted those who toppled a statue of noted proponent of Indigenous genocide Sir John A. Macdonald to know he is deeply disappointed in them for not using t...
Erin O’Toole nabs Canada’s coveted racist statue demographic
OTTAWA – This weekend the Conservative Party’s new leader made promising inroads with a key voter demographic: Canada’s tight-knit community of racist statues. “What happened to our brother John...
Shrivelled up remnant of soap daring you to use it
News in Photos....
Liberals commit $100 million to resupply toner for redacted documents
OTTAWA – Pledging to restart the office appliance economy, the federal government is investing in over $100 million in toner cartridges for its many redacted information requests. The government...
