VANCOUVER – Local ally Maggie Jenkins has been rushed to area hospital after suffering from a chronic case of allyship fatigue.
“I don’t know what happened,” said Jenkins from her hospital bed in the ICU. “Last thing I remember, I shared a BLM post to my Insta story and then suddenly, I was here.”
According to Doctor Fatima Kasta, the hospital was well prepared for the influx of exhausted allies. “Luckily, I’ve witnessed a surge of allyship before and knew how unsustainable it was. The moment the whole post-a-Black-square trend happened in early June, we started preparing beds. We received our first ally a week after, with more and more arriving each day.”
“I’m just so tired,” added Jenkins, who was allegedly found passed out at her computer. “I was two days into Rachel Cargle’s 30-day Do The Work course when my body just gave out. I guess I’m just not used to thinking this critically about anti-Black racism. I’m going to take a couple days off from being an ally and recharge at my family’s cottage…”
In an official statement released by Doctor Kasta and her team of epidemiologists, it is unclear if allyship fatigue actually exists or its just an excuse for people to not divest from the very systems they benefit from. “Although we can’t confirm if allyship fatigue is real or not, we do know that allies begin to feel the first signs of exhaustion after ordering the book White Fragility online, making a lengthy Facebook post telling people to watch Ava DuVernay’s 13th, or posting a photo of themselves with a Black friend with only the fist emoji as the caption.”
When asked to comment, Tiana Moore, who has lived her entire life in this oppressive society and is actually tired, said she tried asking her white friend for support but he instantly entered into a coma. “And now I have to walk his dog.”
At press time, Doctor Kasta has announced a new wing in the hospital is being built to support the inevitable influx of fatigued allies who are taking the University of Alberta’s free Indigenous history course.