VICTORIA – An exhausted Dr. Bonnie Henry has reminded 5 million residents of British Columbia that this is why they can’t have nice things. “I’d expect this kind of behaviour from Alberta or Que...
Erin O’Toole can’t understand why Lügenpresse are criticizing his Canada First policy
OTTAWA – Conservative Leader Erin O’Toole is said to be flummoxed as to why the Lying Press is criticizing him for announcing a Canada First approach to the economy and global trade. ̶...
Cocksure pigeon really struttin’ about town
TORONTO – Sources on the ground are reporting that one surprisingly cocksure pigeon was struttin’ down Bloor Street this past Monday as though he owned the whole town. “Usually I don’t even give...
Scientists discover zebras got stripes to be cool as teens and now they can’t take them off
BRISTOL, UK – A recent study shows zebras are normal horses that got stripes when they were in their teen years and now they can’t remove them, even though they want to. The reasons behind the d...
Students spend first day back decorating body bags for grandparents
MISSISSAUGA – In a back to school activity designed to teach about actions having consequences, students spent the afternoon decorating body bags for their grandparents. The art activity was don...
Heartwarming! This kid is scared of her first day of school for regular reasons
Remember those first day of school butterflies? Worrying that you wouldn’t have the right backpack, or make any new friends. Well this tradition is being kept adorably alive as 10-year-old Madison Fle...
Parents relieved to send kids back to school for 3 weeks before they shut down again
TORONTO – Parents across most of the country were glad to get a small vacation from their school-aged children before they’re sent back due to more COVID-19 outbreaks. “I love my kids, but the p...
Astrophysicists prove Big Bang was result of gender reveal party gone wrong
STANFORD – The physics world has been turned on its head today by incontrovertible proof that our material universe began when a gender reveal party 15 billion years ago resulted in an explosion...
Nova Scotia to be renamed Scotiabank Province
HALIFAX – In a bid to increase brand awareness, the Bank of Nova Scotia has agreed to pay $5,000 and an iPad to the province of Nova Scotia to change its name to Scotiabank Province. “It’s a lit...
UN charity asks world to donate cell phone data to needy Canadians
NEW YORK – The UN General Assembly has approved a new development fund, which is calling upon countries to donate their cell phone data to a needy Canadian. “The United Nations Data Relief Fund ...
