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Editorial: I could have saved you from all of this, you beautiful little fools – By Jeb Bush
Oh my lovelies, my pretty little Américaines… how far have you fallen? I never could have believed that even after you decided Trump was the man for you, that you would be brought this low. And ...
Eric Trump still in line at Apple Store to vote
WASHINGTON, D.C. – Eyewitnesses report President Trump’s son is still in line at the Georgetown Apple Store, waiting to cast his vote in the 2020 Presidential Election which stopped accepting ba...
“Manitobans have a proud history of being cheap,” says Premier refusing to hire new health care workers
WINNIPEG – Premier Brian Pallister strategy to employ volunteers as health care workers during a pandemic is all part of proudly fulfilling Manitoba’s stingy reputation. As the pandemic tears it...
“Wearing a mask infringes on my rights,” says local woman who doesn’t vote
ST. CATHARINES, ON – Local woman Meghan Landon attended an anti-mask protest this past Monday where she proclaimed her dislike for the government-imposed law, despite having never voted in a gov...
Parent sends child to private school so that they can end up at the same universities as everyone else
TORONTO, ONT – Local parents Jillian and Frank Moore have sent their child to private school with the hope that they end up at the same Canadian universities as everyone else. “Education is so i...
Highlights of U.S. Election Day
Every four years Canada and the world get to nervously watch while we wait to see what fresh hell the United States will unleash upon the world. But given America’s unique (aka a product of slavery) e...
Canadian border opens express U-turn lanes for fleeing Americans
NIAGARA FALLS – Canada Border Services Agency has announced designated express U-turn lanes for Americans trying to flee to Canada in the event their preferred presidential candidate does not wi...
Drive-in campaign rally just excuse for politically active teens to make out
ALTOONA, PA – Democratic presidential nominee Joe Biden held a last-minute drive-in campaign rally on the campus of Penn State-Altoona, and while the attendees were ostensibly there to support B...
