Moose Jaw, SK – Patrick Donahue, known throughout Canada as “It’s Patrick he took out life insurance!” from that commercial has unfortunately passed away, and his insurance com...
Facebook responds to antitrust lawsuits with acquisition of Justice Department
MENLO PARK, CA – In response to twin antitrust lawsuits launched by dozens of states and the federal government, social media giant Facebook has purchased the United States Justice Department. “...
Tech startup proud to be first to hire an actual Invisible Minority
TORONTO, ON – In an effort to further bridge the gap of employment inequality, Toronto-based tech startup Diverse-Tech has hired an invisible minority. “When applications started to come in for ...
Ontario-born man lectures about Alberta Bashing
EDMONTON – Defending his response to Alberta’s deadly pandemic, Oakville, Ontario native Jason Kenney is labelling any criticism directed at him or his government as “Alberta Bashing.” The ex-pa...
Ford assures Ontarians $12 bil in unused COVID funds will be disbursed to real estate developers as soon as possible
QUEEN’S PARK – Following a report from the province’s financial watchdog stating $12 billion in COVID-19 contingency funding is being hoarded, Premier Ford assured Ontarians those funds will soo...
Desperate Trump announces only people with evidence of voter fraud will be vaccinated
WASHINGTON, D.C. ― In a series of tweets, Donald Trump announced today that any American who wanted to receive a COVID-19 vaccine would have to first provide proof of voter fraud. “Thanks to Yours Tru...
Local absinthe drinker hasn’t been to a baroque midnight ritual in months
VICTORIA – Stephen Thackston, an absinthe aficionado and self-described ‘weird dandy,’ wants the public to know how hard physical distancing has been on the neo-fop community. “Do you have any i...
Public health officials warn against seasonal gatherings of ten or more lords a-leaping
OTTAWA – As the holidays approach and cases of COVID-19 continue to rise, the Public Health Agency of Canada has urged citizens to limit social events this season to less than ten lords, especially th...
Nation starts GoFundMe for Jon Hamm so he doesn’t have to do any more Skip The Dishes ads
OTTAWA – The nation of Canada has come together to raise money for struggling actor Jon Hamm so he doesn’t need to do any more of those god awful Skip The Dishes ads. “I know there a...
Canada politely waits in desperate silence to be asked if it would like more COVID vaccines
OTTAWA – As nations around the world line up to acquire vaccines against the COVID19 virus from countries with the manufacturing capacity, Canada is quietly waiting its turn to be offered some m...
