Scientists discover zebras got stripes to be cool as teens and now they can’t take them off

BRISTOL, UK – A recent study shows zebras are normal horses that got stripes when they were in their teen years and now they can’t remove them, even though they want to. The reasons behind …

Students spend first day back decorating body bags for grandparents

MISSISSAUGA – In a back to school activity designed to teach about actions having consequences, students spent the afternoon decorating body bags for their grandparents. The art activity wa…

Heartwarming! This kid is scared of her first day of school for regular reasons

Remember those first day of school butterflies? Worrying that you wouldn’t have the right backpack, or make any new friends. Well this tradition is being kept adorably alive as 10-year-old Madiso…

Parents relieved to send kids back to school for 3 weeks before they shut down again

TORONTO – Parents across most of the country were glad to get a small vacation from their school-aged children before they’re sent back due to more COVID-19 outbreaks. “I love my kids, but …

Astrophysicists prove Big Bang was result of gender reveal party gone wrong

STANFORD – The physics world has been turned on its head today by incontrovertible proof that our material universe began when a gender reveal party 15 billion years ago resulted in an expl…

Nova Scotia to be renamed Scotiabank Province

HALIFAX – In a bid to increase brand awareness, the Bank of Nova Scotia has agreed to pay $5,000 and an iPad to the province of Nova Scotia to change its name to Scotiabank Province. “It’s …

UN charity asks world to donate cell phone data to needy Canadians

NEW YORK – The UN General Assembly has approved a new development fund, which is calling upon countries to donate their cell phone data to a needy Canadian. “The United Nations Data Relief …

Canucks fan doesn’t want to talk about it

VANCOUVER – Early reports indicate a Vancouver Canucks fan doesn’t want to talk about it. Thomas Sinclair of Port Moody has not made a single comment to his friends or family about his team…

Despondent CNE fans lower sticks of deep-fried butter to half-mast 

TORONTO – Yesterday, thousands of distraught fans of the Canadian National Exhibition took a moment out of their day to lower their sticks of deep-fried butter out of respect for the cancel…

Colony of mask pimples enter industrial revolution

KINGSTON- Anthropologists were left stunned last week as the colony of mask pimples they had been monitoring advanced past the agrarian stage and entered their own industrial revolution. “It’s re…