“The extra C stands for Canada,” says newly christened Cconservative Party
OTTAWA – Canada’s official opposition party has unveiled a new logo and a new name to go with it, and are proudly inviting Canadians to say hello to the new Cconservatives. “We’re putting C…
Braless woman braces for nipply weather
MISSISSAUGA, ON 一 Since the start of September, staunch anti-bra advocate Laurel Cobb has been preparing herself and her nipples for colder autumn weather. “Fall is definitely the hardest season …
Parents think world-ending catastrophe actually huge opportunity for you
Zoom call, ON – Last Friday during a grueling 12 minute zoom call with your parents, they both explained that the current hopeless, terrible, deadly pandemic restricting everyone to stay in…
Local man vows to get even less done during second wave of COVID
TORONTO – Local man Todd Walters has made a resolution that should the COVID-19 virus force him into quarantine again, he will accomplish even less with the extra time off. “After I went ba…
Governor General grants Royal Assent using tears of her staffers
OTTAWA – Acting on behalf of Her Majesty, Queen Elizabeth II, Governor General Julie Payette has granted several pieces of legislation Royal Assent by inscribing her signature with the tear…
Latest US outbreak traced to Coronavirus eating contest
MIAMI – Amid spiking COVID-19 figures in the United States, experts have determined that the source of a recent outbreak was a Coronavirus eating contest from two weeks ago. “We suspect that Chuc…
B.C. NDP celebrate low COVID numbers by gathering large amounts of people indoors to vote
VICTORIA – B.C. Premier John Horgan has been riding a wave of good poll numbers due in no small part to the success B.C. has had keeping coronavirus infections in the province down, and the…
Canadian in line for COVID test recovers from virus by time he gets to the front
TORONTO – After waking up with mild flu-like symptoms a month ago, Peter Miller went to stand in line outside of Toronto Western Hospital to get tested for COVID. As of this morning, he happily a…
EDITORIAL: Sick teachers are a small price to pay to get me the hell away from the horrible kids I made by choice
By Liz Peterson There’s been a lot of fuss made about kids going back to school during coronavirus. Every mommy blogger under the sun has been ‘gramming about “too soon” this and “superspreader e…
Schitt’s Creek Emmy sweep inspires Canadian government to add another nickel to arts funding jar
OTTAWA – After the beloved Canadian sitcom Schitt’s Creek walked away from yesterday’s Emmy Awards with 9 wins, the Canadian government was so buoyed by the show’s success that it decided to add …
