Biden creates OnlyFans channel to capture key pervert vote
DELAWARE – Democratic party nominee Joe Biden has announced the opening of a new channel on OnlyFans in order to convey his message of national unity to the website’s army of loyal perverts. “I a…
Sask Premier Scott Moe leaves scene after colliding with debate
REGINA – Saskatchewan Premier Scott Moe has been reportedly involved in another accident, this time colliding into two debate podiums. The driver plowed through the CBC Saskatchewan galleri…
TTC tells riders who want physical distancing to only ride the Sheppard line
TORONTO – After telling riders physical distancing “will no longer be possible” on its vehicles, the TTC has clarified by pointing out that riders will easily be able to maintai…
“Trump is finished” declares man who thought Trump couldn’t win in 2016
VANCOUVER – After a detailed analysis of the latest polls and several visits to fivethirtyeight.com Martin Kilroy has announced his conclusion that Trump will definitely lose the 2020 elect…
Alberta Health Minister reduces maximum lifespan to 70
EDMONTON – In a sweeping round of cuts, Alberta Health Minister Tyler Shandro has revealed a significant reduction in the maximum life span of the province’s citizens. Shandro made the anno…
FEMINISM WIN: This girl boss is reuniting the long-separated Church and State
WASHINGTON, D.C. – Watch out, the patriarchy! Total girlboss Amy Coney-Barrett is on her way to joining the Supreme Court, where she’ll use her combination glass-ceiling-slash-civil-rights-…
Dad treating Zoom Thanksgiving dinner like it’s headlining gig at Radio City
VANCOUVER – Local dad Keith Jacobs is reportedly dominating this year’s Thanksgiving dinner-via-Zoom like a young comic who just booked the big spot at Radio City. Taking advantage of video…
Health Canada announces doctors no longer allowed to prescribe ‘Good Lovin’
OTTAWA – Health Canada has put an end to the common practice by family doctors of prescribing ‘good lovin’ as a cure for a number of illnesses, particularly those accompanied by a fever. He…
Digital Thanksgiving: Shortcuts to muting the anti-mask rants of your relatives
Are you tired of hearing about your uncle’s ‘Plandemic’ opinions or how governments are infringing on your aunt’s right to infect other people at the grocery store? Fortunately, digital Thanksgiv…
