Alberta’s tough new COVID measures force indoor coughing competitions to end by 10:00 pm
EDMONTON – In response to rising COVID-19 case numbers, Alberta Minister of Health Tyler Shandro announced stringent new regulations on the province’s popular coughing competitions. “Albertans as…
Liberal fiscal update confirms “Shit’s Fucked”
OTTAWA – Finance Minister Chrystia Freeland unveiled the Liberal fiscal update this afternoon and, as expected, things are fucked. Big time fucked. “9 months into this pandemic cases …
In return for $4 million from Alberta, NHL players staff busy ICUs
EDMONTON – The $4 million given to the NHL from the province of Alberta will be put to good use now that they’ve drafted NHL players as doctors, nurses, and other medical technicians. “We a…
Trump supporters upset President never shot man on Fifth Avenue like he promised he would
UNITED STATES – Diehard supporters of President Donald Trump are expressing their dismay at the realization that he may never shoot a man in cold blood on Fifth Avenue like he swore he would do. …
Canada threatens to leave Commonwealth after being ignored in Netflix’s “The Crown”
OTTAWA – Canadian Prime Minister Justin Trudeau is threatening to leave the British Commonwealth after receiving a royal snub from Netflix’s historical drama “The Crown.” “Oh, sure, do a wh…
Tired office workers can’t wait to attend mandatory Zoom session on Zoom fatigue
AUGUSTA, ME – Exhausted employees at the Department of Health and Human Services couldn’t be more thrilled about their upcoming compulsory Zoom session on Zoom fatigue. “I am so excited!!!” screa…
Midwives offer contactless deliveries
SASKATOON – Amid growing COVID numbers and increased hospital regulations, midwives across the country have begun to offer contactless deliveries to ease the minds of new parents. In a pres…
You’ll never believe what Rogers is going to replace the SkyDome with and yeah you’re right it’s condos
TORONTO – Big news! You are going to be stunned when you hear what Rogers is planning to do with some of the land where the world-famous SkyDome stands. This is a total shock but it turns o…
Aunt Ruth to finally take COVID seriously now that she knows dogs can catch it
NIAGARA – Reports from within your family indicate a huge burden was lifted today, as sources indicate that Aunt Ruth finally plans to take COVID seriously solely for the wellness of her th…
Underground soy sauce speakeasy opens up in BC
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