Trudeau: If Liberals vetted people before giving them powerful jobs, I’d never have become Prime Minister
OTTAWA – Under fire for not properly vetting Julie Payette before selecting her as Canada’s Governor General, Justin Trudeau pointed out today that too much vetting can actually be a …
“You’re not like other girls,” says man exactly like all other men
LONDON, ON — A local man indistinguishable from any other man wants the woman he just met to know that she’s “not like other girls.” Adam Adamson, 29, discovered the “girl” in question last…
Gary Bettman announces Kraft Hockeyville winner will go to a town in US Southwest instead
NEW YORK – NHL Commissioner Gary Bettman has announced that the next winner of the Kraft Hockeyville competition will go to a town in Arizona, Nevada, or New Mexico instead of a small Canad…
Trudeau announces construction of vaccine pipeline through Indigenous territory
OTTAWA – Prime Minister Justin Trudeau confirmed at a press conference this week that the vaccine will be distributed to Canadians via one massive pipeline that snakes its way through every piece…
Kenney appears in neck brace accusing Biden of pipeline-related injuries
EDMONTON – Appearing outside a courthouse with his injury lawyer, Alberta Premier Jason Kenney is suing US President Joe Biden for physical and emotional injuries caused in the revocation o…
Jason Kenney demands U.S. compensate Alberta for being led by Jason Kenney
EDMONTON – Alberta Premier Jason Kenney is insisting that after Jason Kenney lost billions investing in the Keystone XL pipeline which President Joe Biden has cancelled, the U.S. government…
Quebec curfew aimed at new vampire strain of COVID that only comes out at night
QUEBEC CITY, QC – Facing criticism of the recent province-wide curfew, Quebec health officials have revealed the precaution is intended to shield the population from a recently discovered v…
Kamala Harris promises more BIPOC representation in US prison population
WASHINGTON D.C. – Kamala Harris, who made history this week being sworn in as the first Indian-American and Black vice president, has assured Americans that she is also staunchly committed …
Sleep scientists announce they don’t know what the fuck to do with their arms when lying down either
MONTREAL – The nation’s top sleep researchers made a joint statement earlier today announcing that they too have no goddamn idea what to do with their arms when trying to sleep. Dr. Fran Mc…
Julie Payette: I’m so sorry that my staffers are all a bunch of pussies
OTTAWA – Following news accounts of a scathing independent report into her workplace behaviour, Julie Payette resigned yesterday as Canada’s Governor General and released a public resignati…
