Move over, sourdough! There’s a new culinary trend in lockdown – bathtub wine!
With Ontario now in its second lockdown of the COVID-19 pandemic, the popularity of homemade sourdough has fallen just as quickly as our loaves rose (sometimes). But no need to fret. There is a n…
The Golden Globes celebrate Hollywood’s best and brightest bribers
This past Wednesday, the Hollywood Foreign Press released their hotly anticipated nominations for the 2021 Golden Globe awards. After delays due to the global pandemic, the nominations were final…
Ford vows to stop COVID by 7th wave
TORONTO – Last week, Ontario premier Doug Ford announced that his administration is committed to bringing the COVID-19 situation under control by no later than the 7th major spike in cases.…
Member of group that told him how often to masturbate wonders how it all went wrong
TORONTO – Upon learning that the Proud Boys have been designated a terrorist group, Toronto chapter member Steven Bloom was at a loss to explain how an organization that orders its members to onl…
Super Bowl to rerun old ads and see if anyone notices
TAMPA, FL – With a significant number of advertisers dropping out of this year’s sparsely-attended Super Bowl, the NFL has announced on Sunday that they will fill the unused TV spots …
Terrorist financing of Proud Boys cut off as Mom withholds allowance
CALGARY – A 62-year-old mother has cut off terrorist funding by withholding her 35-year-old son’s allowance. Gillian Brown explained that the $20 weekly stipend she gave to her son Jamie wa…
Underwear dropped on laundromat floor still clean…right?
Bowmanville, ON — After dropping her freshly-washed undies on the laundromat floor yesterday afternoon, local woman Beth Jonks has determined that the pair is still clean enough to wear… probabl…
Jeff Bezos to step down in five to ten days, or overnight with Prime
SEATTLE – Amazon founder and CEO Jeff Bezos has announced his intention to step down, with the move taking effect some time in the next five to ten days, with the option for a much speedier…
City expropriates farmland for booming brownfield industry
WELLAND – A city in Niagara has expropriated land from a fifth generation farm to further develop its abandoned and contaminated land industry. Urban planners and local politicians in Wella…
Local women dreams of Valentine’s proposal after insufficiently hinting at holiday season proposal
Dartmouth NS – Local woman, Claudia Draper, is dreaming of a Valentine’s Day proposal by boyfriend, Trevor Chase, after she failed to sufficiently deliver hints for a holiday season proposa…
