EDMONTON – Because the COVID vaccine generally causes soreness in the arm it’s injected into, Dr. Alex Hall has been advising Canadians to get it in their non-masturbation arm.
“Many Canadians are still in lockdown and isolated from their loved ones,” Hall said in an informational video where they absolutely don’t look flushed or sweaty. “And in these trying circumstances, the ability to rub one out unimpeded is more important than ever.”
Dr. Hall reminded viewers that if their otherwise dominant hand isn’t used for masturbating, the trade-off between being able to perform mundane tasks and being able to effortlessly jack it will need to be considered. “While this could be an opportunity to wank with a whole new technique, fighting through the pain with some light exercise can help the soreness, if you know what I mean,” Hall said. “But please make sure to take yourself down to o-town safely.”
Regardless of which arm is chosen, Hall suggested following up the vaccine with plenty of fluids, a healthy meal, and a “truly epic j/o sesh, because you’ve earned it. Especially if you’re single, am I right?”
While some commenters derided Dr. Hall as too intrusive, others admitted that this was a serious factor in their vaccine hesitancy. “I usually skip flu shots because it puts the ol’ spanking limb out of commission for a while, but COVID is serious enough that I’ll make an exception,” said one commenter. “Thank you, Dr. Hall. This next one’s for you.”
Hall closed the video by suggesting that nurses stop asking “Which arm would you like to be vaccinated?” and instead inquire “So, which is your cranking arm?”
Upon request for comment, Health Canada said, “We didn’t want to be the ones to say it, but that’s all basically accurate.”
