Hundreds of superheroes’ identities revealed as CDC gives ok to remove masks
ATLANTA, GA – With the CDC approving Americans to remove their masks many masked superheroes have complied, resulted in the accidental reveal of hundreds of superheroes’ secret identities. …
Innovative! West Virginia finds way to maintain COVID mortality levels post-COVID
WEST VIRGINIA- In a time when most states are struggling with low mortality rates, West Virginia Governor and local boyboss Jim Justice (R) is offering state residents a chance to win guns if the…
National Post suggests replacing all parks with giant statues of John A. Macdonald
TORONTO – After successfully mining hate clicks with editorials suggesting we privatize all parks and that ending our glorification of John A. Macdonald amounts to cancelling all history, t…
Local toddler tall enough to reach the sink, can finally do Lady MacBeth scene
PRINCE GEORGE, BC – Local precocious toddler Emma Jonasson has finally grown tall enough to reach her family’s bathroom sink, which means that not only can she wash her hands all by herself…
Man daydreams of being rich person’s dog for 5th time today
TORONTO – Local man, Andrew Tan, has spent a lot of time lately thinking how great it would be to be a rich person’s dog instead of a human male forced to make his life fulfilling. “I’ve be…
Opinion: I steal mail from hot spots so I should get my second dose sooner
Vaccines are hard to come by in Ontario. However, some neighbourhoods have the privilege of getting vaccinations before others purely based on factors I refuse to take time to read about. Lucky f…
Jason Kenney concerned Canadians learning their history
EDMONTON – Alberta Premier Jason Kenney has expressed concern that more and more Canadians are learning about what their country did including past crimes committed by historical figures. T…
Exhausted, underpaid Manitoba nurse doesn’t even like hockey
WINNIPEG – An overworked and poorly compensated nurse who could have been paid with a ticket to a Winnipeg Jets playoff game doesn’t even like hockey. Tammy Marshall, an RN at Winnipeg’s He…
Polyamorous NACI officials recommend mixing and matching vaccines, partners
TORONTO — Canada’s National Advisory Committee on Immunization (NACI) updated its guidelines this week to indicate that doses of the Moderna, Pfizer, and AstraZeneca vaccines can be safely combin…
Ford takes innovative measure of keeping schools closed in July and August
QUEEN’S PARK – Premier Doug Ford made the bold pronouncement this afternoon that the closure of Ontario schools will continue for the remainder of June and – shockingly – extend into July and Aug…
