Re-opening escape room owners find dozens of trapped corpses
WINNIPEG – As escape rooms around Canada get back to business, owners are discovering the emaciated corpses of players who couldn’t solve their puzzles when they were forced to close. “It looks …
Editorial: We’re getting through the entire damn Seder this Passover or so help me I will end you all – by Uncle Morris
As everyone knows I have just one responsibility in this world, and that is to lead us all through the annual exercise in futility that is the Feinstein family Passover seder. And after 16 consec…
Goals! How these two millennials managed to buy a home in Toronto
TORONTO – The Toronto housing market is on fire right now, but these two millennials still managed to afford a home in the city with a few easy tricks! “We were both able to monetize how we…
Doug Ford reassures Ontarians that vaccines sitting in freezers will be sold at enormous profit
TORONTO – Under pressure for keeping thousands of doses of vaccines in storage rather than administer them, Premier Ford reassured Ontarians this morning that these vaccines will be sold to…
Supreme Court rules carbon tax constitutional after invoking ‘We’re All Gonna Fucking Die’ principle
OTTAWA – The Supreme Court of Canada held that Justin Trudeau’s imposition of the carbon tax was constitutional as a result of the little known ‘if we don’t do something we’re gonna be real…
Real estate agents confirm your parents must die before you can afford to buy a house
NATIONWIDE – With real estate prices once again booming after a slight COVID-related decline, Canada’s real estate agents have officially confirmed what many have suspected for some t…
NHL finally finds the one bad referee causing officiating problems in all games
TORONTO – The NHL has announced that referee Tim Peel will no longer be working NHL games after being caught on mic saying that he wanted to give a penalty to one team regardless of infract…
Liberals attack Conservative party for not acknowledging then ignoring climate change
OTTAWA – The Liberals have wasted no time in denouncing Conservative MPs for belonging to a party that refused to acknowledge the reality of climate change at their recent policy convention…
Crow pretty jazzed to grab engagement ring after couple finishes fighting in the park
VICTORIA, BC – During a midday flight through a lovely park, local crow Beaks McCaw spotted an exciting opportunity to add to her collection of shiny things upon witnessing an engaged coupl…
Ford unwilling to administer vaccines because he has named each one, grown attached
TORONTO – Ontario Premier Doug Ford is unwillingly to administer all the vaccines the federal government has acquired and supplied to Ontario because he has named each one and grown attache…
