OTTAWA – Canadian conservatives are throwing heavy criticism at the federal government for mandating passports for international travel.
“What a terrible inconvenience our government has invented for Canadians,” began conservative party leader Erin O’Toole. “Candians now have to remember to bring a piece of paper with them to the airport, then they have to keep it on them while walking through the entire airport, showing it to whoever asks them for identification purposes…say goodbye to your rights!”
“This is simply unprecedented, 1984 has finally been realized,” yelled Jason Kenney to his mother. “Never have traveling Canadians before been asked for a piece of ID with up-to-date information that helps protect the country they are entering and the country they are returning to #endthedictatorship.”
Critics of the federal government’s vaccine passports have listed many concerns they have with the new regulations including the lack of knowledge of how a “passport” would even work, how someone could find space on their person for a small piece of paper, and having to remember their own name.
“This Liberal government has lost touch with its own people,” said Doug Ford, Ontario Premier and occasional cryer. “Remembering names is super duper hard. And I have never heard of any establishment restricting people using identification in my entire life…except maybe the police force I super quickly wanted to have dictatorship-level power for like three days until they flat out refused.”
Conservatives worry that the creation of “passport-like” identification will be a slippery slope leading to crazier regulations like “driver-type licenses” and “birth-type certificates.”