New website allows Ontarians to sign up for a pretend vaccine waitlist just for funsies
TORONTO – Following months of frustration surrounding Ontario’s delayed vaccine rollout, officials have announced the launch of a new website that will allow Ontarians to sign up for …
Bipartisan win: Liberals and Conservatives put aside differences, come together to screw over workers
OTTAWA – Political observers were heartened this week to see the Liberals and the Conservatives put aside partisan considerations and vote together on a bill to force dockworkers who are st…
Zoom call with American friends now depressing in the other direction
Richmond, B.C. – A monthly zoom call which previously consisted of Canadian man Jalen Montclair consoling his American friends now consists of his American friends consoling Jalen. “E…
Progress! Ontarians granted 3 days sick leave to share amongst themselves
Ontarians rejoice! After over a year of tireless advocacy from workers and healthcare advocates, the Ontario government has finally taken a major step in halting the spread of COVID 19 by proposi…
Children’s book delights child, devastates adult reading book to child
Sorry, we didn’t want to write an article on this one. It’s just too much.…
Nova Scotia baffles experts by listening to them about lockdown, actually doing lockdown
HALIFAX – Experts are puzzled after scientists proposed a 2 week emergency lockdown, only to have Nova Scotian premier Rankin actually institute it, rather than ignoring them, lying to them…
Nobel Prize-winning fighter pilot with PhD almost meets requirements for entry level job
REGINA – A local Nobel Prize winner with a doctoral degree and a thousand logged hours of flight time as a fighter pilot was pleased to browse Indeed.ca this past weekend and discover that …
“It’s not fair to blame Kenney for a pandemic,” says man who blamed Notley for a wildfire
CALGARY – As Albertans continue to suffer as a result of the province’s poor handling of COVID-19, local man Dave Struthers, who once said Premier Notley’s handling of the 2016 …
Ontario offering vaccines by either appointment or human stampede
OTTAWA – Health officials in Ontario have announced those eligible for their COVID-19 vaccines may either make an appointment with their health provider or participate in a stampede trampli…
Dead whale really ruining the experience of being carried across beach by God
NANAIMO, BC – According to local sources, the rotting carcass of a beached grey whale has complicated Becky Shelton’s profound spiritual crisis. “Don’t get me wrong, I love that God is here to c…
