Transphobes announce all trans kids either too young or too old to know they’re trans
Canadians for Traditional Family Values, a conservative political group, has released a long-awaited statement giving their official position on how to address trans children. “We’ve divided it u…
Canadians sweep Junos
CANADA – In a stunning show of national dominance, all the Junos awarded at the 50th annual Juno awards were awarded to Canadians. “I think this really shows how far Canadian music has come…
RCMP arrest the Lorax
LAKE COWICHAN, B.C. – The RCMP, out in force again today arresting protesters trying to protect old growth trees on Vancouver Island, have detained one of the world’s most recognizable envi…
Police on horse ready to stop train robbery
TORONTO – Toronto Police have reported that their horseback division is essential for stopping any and all train robberies. “When I’m on my noble steed, Paul Gross’ Passchendaele – Pa…
Hundreds of superheroes’ identities revealed as CDC gives ok to remove masks
ATLANTA, GA – With the CDC approving Americans to remove their masks many masked superheroes have complied, resulted in the accidental reveal of hundreds of superheroes’ secret identities. …
Innovative! West Virginia finds way to maintain COVID mortality levels post-COVID
WEST VIRGINIA- In a time when most states are struggling with low mortality rates, West Virginia Governor and local boyboss Jim Justice (R) is offering state residents a chance to win guns if the…
National Post suggests replacing all parks with giant statues of John A. Macdonald
TORONTO – After successfully mining hate clicks with editorials suggesting we privatize all parks and that ending our glorification of John A. Macdonald amounts to cancelling all history, t…
Local toddler tall enough to reach the sink, can finally do Lady MacBeth scene
PRINCE GEORGE, BC – Local precocious toddler Emma Jonasson has finally grown tall enough to reach her family’s bathroom sink, which means that not only can she wash her hands all by herself…
Man daydreams of being rich person’s dog for 5th time today
TORONTO – Local man, Andrew Tan, has spent a lot of time lately thinking how great it would be to be a rich person’s dog instead of a human male forced to make his life fulfilling. “I’ve be…
