Poll finds 87% of Heaven’s residents get tired of eternal bliss within the first thousand years

HEAVEN ― A recent survey of over 10 million residents of Christian Heaven has revealed that a large majority become “somewhat” or “very” unhappy during their first millennium. “Once you’ve finish…

True-Crime Podcaster is a little too excited that friend is missing

Hamilton, Ontario – Friends and family are asking for any information about the disappearance of Thomas McQuade, no one more so than acquaintance and true crime podcaster, Leigh Hallwood. “…

Highlights of the Conservatives’ election platform

The Conservative Party of Canada released their 162 page 2021 election platform yesterday. Unfortunately few people have been able to stop laughing at the cover long enough to read it. But have n…

Singh blasts Trudeau for copying BC NDP’s idea of calling a snap election in the middle of a pandemic

TORONTO – NDP Leader Jagmeet Singh has criticized Prime Minister Justin Trudeau for stealing his party’s idea to call a snap election in the middle of a global pandemic. “This needless powe…

Ford and Lecce present their back to school safety plan, “Pick the sick kids last during Phys-ed”

QUEENS PARK – After delaying for as long as possible, Doug Ford and Stephen Lecce have finally revealed their back to school safety plan, which is for kids to pick the sicker kids last duri…

Conservatives fight Justin Trudeau’s sex appeal with whatever the hell this is

OTTAWA – Leery of another election in which Justin Trudeau coasts by on his attractiveness, the Conservatives are fighting the PM’s fire looks with this utterly baffling photo of Erin O’Too…

O’Toole: Vaccines should be optional like rich people paying taxes

OTTAWA – Conservative Party Leader Erin O’Toole said he would not require public servants and travellers to be vaccinated much like how Canada’s wealthiest one percent are not required to p…

Government employee quits, demands new 4 year contract

OTTAWA – Despite being just 2 years into a 4 year contract, local civil servant Justin Trudeau abruptly resigned on Sunday, and then simultaneously demanded a brand new 4 year contract. …

Poll: Have you been vaccinated or are you voting Conservative?

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Opinion: Why pulling forces out of Afghanistan is good when the politician I like does it and bad when anyone else does it

As Afghanistan’s capital has rapidly been overtaken by members of the Taliban, I can’t help but think the decision to withdraw all U.S. forces out of such a volatile country is good when the poli…