“Why won’t someone do something about these terrible hospital protests,” says Doug Ford

TORONTO – As Anti-Vaxxers conduct aggressive, threatening protests outside hospitals across Ontario, many Ontarians are expressing outrage and wondering why government officials don’t…

Bored construction worker fantasizes about standing behind different politician during campaign rally

ST. CATHARINES – Local construction worker Peter Wagner, who’s wearing a hardhat and standing with a neutral expression at Liberal MP Randall Turner’s campaign rally, has admitted he’s having fan…

O’Toole promises to personally babysit your child

GATINEAU, QC – Conservative Party Leader Erin O’Toole has offered to personally babysit every Canadian child instead of funding new childcare spaces. “If elected as your prime minister, I w…

Trudeau nervous about losing job, suddenly extends CRB

OTTAWA – In response to recent forecasts that he may not have a job for much longer, Prime Minister Justin Trudeau has announced a sudden extension to CRB. “The Canada Recovery Benefit was introd…

Vancouver begins gentrifying Stanley Park to price coyotes out of area

VANCOUVER — In response to the recent spate of coyote attacks in Stanley Park, the city of Vancouver debuted an action plan yesterday to humanely relocate the animals from the popular wilderness …

New Rogers Infinite Plus deal gives unlimited data for your mortal soul

Rogers has revealed a brand new plan that gives unlimited data for low, low cost of your mortal soul. “It is but a trifle. A small thing.” says Yog Sothothery, high priest of Rogers Communication…

B.C. man worried about how his shoulder will look in vaccine passport photo

VICTORIA – With British Columbians now able to sign up for vaccine passports, local paralegal Craig Sherman is worried about how his shoulder will look in its passport photo. Sherman, who briefly…

O’Toole: “If there is one policy area where it’s ok to be ambiguous, it’s which guns will be illegal”

OTTAWA – After spending a week flip flopping over whether he would repeal the Liberal government’s assault weapons ban, Conservative leader Erin O’Toole is now saying that Canad…

Jealous O’Toole orders staffers to throw rocks at him

GATINEAU, QC – Conservative Leader Erin O’Toole has instructed his staff to throw rocks at him at his next election event. “Jimmy, this sympathy [Trudeau] is getting in the press is not fai…

Key habit of successful people found to be plenty of free time to pursue goals

TORONTO – A recent study of the 1% has determined that the key habit of successful people is plenty of free time to pursue their goals.  The study was conducted by researchers at the Univer…