Anti-vaxxer demands you produce a single study showing mRNA vaccines are safe – no not that one
TORONTO – Clayton Bach, a local man who believes that the Pfizer and Moderna COVID vaccines are incredibly dangerous has demanded you produce a single study showing they are safe, but not t…
5 events that are finally back post-pandemic and never mind they’re already cancelled
We’ve been at this pandemic thing for over a year and wow, has a lot of stuff been cancelled! But now you’re fully vaccinated (or not!), your mask game is next level (or it isn’t!), and case numb…
Wait, is the floor lava? A volcanologist weighs in
TORONTO – With the success of the Netflix show Floor is Lava and the children’s song ‘The Floor is Lava’ by the Kiboomers, the question of whether the floor is lava or not has n…
Liberals: “A vote for the NDP is a vote for Harper…I mean Scheer…I mean O’Toole”
OTTAWA – As the federal election campaign enters week two, the Liberals are once again reminding Canadians that voting for the NDP will only help the scary Conservative Party leader, whoeve…
O’Toole confirms his position on abortion has not changed since he’s taken all positions
TORONTO – Conservative Party Leader Erin O’Toole has pushed back against claims that he he keeps changing his position on abortion by claiming that his position is “all of them.” “Unrestric…
Hot! This newspaper found the handsomest photo of a sex criminal to use in every article about him
OTTAWA – A national Canadian newspaper came under fire for several articles about an ongoing sex abuse case, after every article featured an extremely attractive photo of the accused sex cr…
Brisbane announced as next city to be blighted with unholy curse of the Olympics
BRISBANE – Announced for the year 2032, Brisbane, Australia has been selected to become the next unfortunate city to be blighted with the unholy curse that is hosting the Olympic Games. Des…
Five tips for growing tulips powerful enough to destroy Dutch economy
It seems with the tough year we’ve all been having, everyone’s been getting the green thumb. Plants and flowers galore! So we’ve compiled the five most crucial tips for growing tulips! In fact, w…
Cutting edge Facebook app lets you attend VR-meetings that should’ve been e-mails
MENLO PARK, CA – Facebook CEO Mark Zuckerberg has announced the release of Horizon Workrooms, an ultra-high-tech solution to the age-old problem of your boss needing to find new and expensi…
Ontarian prince promises a wealth of governance in exchange for small up-front fee
QUEEN’S PARK – Citizens of Ontario were surprised to find an unknown letter tucked amongst their usual mail promising them the untold riches of capable governance. The letter was sent by th…
