Salmon Cove, NL – In a stunning display of generosity, the Newfoundland government has given wildfire evacuees an unprecedented one-time payout of $500, covering 50% of a single monthly Newfound...
“I probably did something to it” says man whose back just like that now
KAMLOOPS, BC – Despite the fact that his age is clearly responsible for his persistent lower back pain, local man Alex Verders, 39, is reportedly clinging to the belief that an unexplained recen...
Mark Carney still answering question reporter asked 6 weeks ago
OTTAWA – In what is being called “a tsunami of words,” Prime Minister Mark Carney is still answering a reporter’s question posed to him at a press conference six weeks ago. Liberal MPs and staff are s...
How dare Tim Houston ruin my child’s favourite summer activity: burning down the province of Nova Scotia
By: Peggy-Anne MacInnis The Nova Scotia government’s ban on any human activity in the woods is outrageous and likely unconstitutional. It infringes on our god given right to enjoy the beauty of Canada...
New employee quits over fun fact pressure
EDMONTON – ABS Innovations newest hire quit today citing the immense psychological strain from the pressure of having to deliver a sufficiently “fun” fact about herself in her first week. Mica R...
Smelly man rebrands himself as savoury man
EDMONTON – Greg Abbott, a formerly smelly man, has decided to describe himself as savoury after many besmirchings of his scent. “Smelly is a childish insult that shouldn’t be used to describe a...
Nation’s mothers hail 18-year-old tennis champion Victoria Mboko as new unattainable standard for you to live up to
OTTAWA – Following Canadian tennis phenom Victoria Mboko’s victory at the National Bank Open final, the Canadian Association Of Pressuring Mothers has proclaimed her as their new baseline ...
Pros and Cons of solving traffic congestion by building a big ass tunnel under the 401
Doug Ford continues to push ahead with plans to dig a 19.5 metre wide, multi-story tunnel under the 401 in order to solve the issue of traffic congestion once and for all. Here are some of the pros an...
Elon Musk releases new baby name book, “From Arargnft to Zrrfppfortt”
BOCA CHICA, TEXAS – Troubled businessman and 53-year-old memelord Elon Musk has once again made headlines with a new business venture, announcing the release of his new baby name book “From Arar...
Apple TV+ spends $1 billion on the perfect film, then burns it as a tax write-off
Cupertino, CA- Apple TV+, the free-spending streaming service run as a ploy to lower its parent company’s tax bill, announced today that it has financed, produced, and set fire to a monument of ...
