Albertan separatists say they have the signatures necessary to force a referendum on the issue. We sat down with Keith Greengrass, a prominent advocate for an independent Alberta, to understand more about the movement.
The Beaverton: Thank you for your time Mr. Greengrass. Was there a specific moment or event that made you want to see an independent Alberta?
Keith Greengrass: Probably the time Trudeau hired illegal immigrants to create a fake Plandemic that made us all social distance from our kids so Jason Kenney could order me to close my family’s dog grooming business.
TB: …ok. Do you think Alberta can succeed as its own country?
KG: Of course! In just a few months we will be the most successful single-resource, export-dependent, entirely landlocked country in the world!
TB: How do you respond to the claim that your movement has been infiltrated by American influences, and even possibly American intelligence operatives?
KG: It’s ridiculous. Every member of our organization is 100% Albertan eh, from the bottoms of our steel toed boots to the fuzzy balls on top of our beanies.
TB: You mean toques.
KG: Yes of course. A too-kay. Apologies eh. I was watching an American tv show last night. The point is, we need to unite as a people and break free from the clutches of those damn bureaucrats in Canada’s capital…(editor’s note: Keith was typing something into his phone and trying to read it under the table) Ottawa!
TB: Your movement recently suffered a PR problem when it was revealed that you obtained the contact info for Albertans on the voter roll. Can you assure Albertans that you won’t violate their privacy?
KG: Of course. Our movement is for all Albertans. Whether it be a soccer mom like Ilana Hendricks of 1585 Macleod TR SW in Calgary, or a veteran like Matthew Kearns (Sin number 535 200 999), Albertans know they can trust us.
TB: Polls say support for separation is around 30%. How do you get the increased support you’ll need to actually separate?
KG: Those polls are bullshit. Every time I ask my friends who still wear Oakley sunglasses and Fox Racing shirts, or bring the idea up in a gravel parking lot next to a sporting goods store, everyone says they’re pro-separation.
TB: You seem to be getting support from within Danielle Smith’s UCP government. Is the government working with you to further the Separatist Agenda?
KG: Not really. During our weekly strategy meeting they mostly just listen and then hand us an envelope full of cash.
