MONTREAL – After being selected first overall in the 2022 NHL draft, 18-year-old Slovakian left winger Juraj Slafkovský is thrilled by the opportunity to play for Montreal’s serene hockey fando...
Rogers offers Canada’s fastest, most reliable outages across the country
Paid Advertisement Experience Canada’s most reliable 5G network outages! Rogers Communications Inc. allows customers to deny access to the most basic telecommunications services. Upgrade to Rogers In...
Boris Johnson leaves yet another party disheveled and without a clue what’s going on
LONDON, UK — After numerous calls for his resignation, British Prime Minister Boris Johnson has finally stumbled out of the Conservative Party despite not understanding what he did to piss everyone of...
Friend who knows more about finance than you always losing money
MISSISSAUGA, ON – According to a recent analysis of financial trends within your friend group, it was revealed that your friend Liam who totally knows everything about finance is also the same f...
Read our best guesses as to what Patrick Brown did
Well over 24 hours since they disqualified Patrick Brown from the leadership campaign for “serious allegations of wrongdoing” the Conservative Party still has not announced what Brown actu...
Population of Manitoba plummets when residents realize they’re allowed to leave
WINNIPEG -The Province of Manitoba has experienced a devastating population collapse after former residents learned that they could just, like, leave whenever they wanted to, and it wasn’t even illega...
Five ways to guilt friends into seeing your terrible Fringe Play
It’s Fringe season, y’all. You’ve spent months — or at least hours — writing and rehearsing your masterpiece. A dance interpretation of the House Hippo PSA told from the ...
Critics question whether new Downton Abbey movie really needed to open the multiverse
HOLLYWOOD – Inspired by hit movies like Doctor Strange in the Multiverse of Madness, the new Downton Abbey film will introduce multiverse theory into the lives of the beloved Crawley family. The unexp...
Need advice overthrowing a democratically elected government? Better Call Brad!
Paid Advertisement Have you or your family failed to win public support for violently overthrowing a Canadian government? Are you occupying a country’s capital but failing to win any sympathy because ...
Canadian man spends entire summer inventing excuses for why he can’t go camping
Stratford, ON – Local man Eric Morgenstern will once again be spending his summer thinking of reasons why he can’t join friends on their upcoming camping trips. “Life would be so muc...
