MISSISSAUGA, ON – According to a recent analysis of financial trends within your friend group, it was revealed that your friend Liam who totally knows everything about finance is also the same friend that is always losing money.
“Sure, the price of ethereum is crashing, but you’ve gotta buy the dip,” said Liam, who bought Etherium at its peak price of $4800 USD before the price cratered to a fifth of its previous value. “When it bounces back and I’m sipping champagne on my own private island, you’re going to wish you got in on this like I told you to,” added your friend group’s own private financial rain man.
According to a trend analysis compiled by your friend group, Liam’s dalliances into cryptocurrency is just the latest in a series of complex schemes you and the rest of your friends were too unversed in the finer points of entrepreneurship to partake in which resulted in 5-digit financial losses.
“Look, I’m going to give you the advice no one else will give you,” said money maverick Liam before giving you the exact same advice everyone gives. “You have to stack your revenue flows. You can’t just have one revenue flow,” said the same person who recently lost 10k on a bulk purchase of egg cookers in a half-baked attempt to launch a drop-shipping side hustle on Amazon.
“The problem with people that work a full-time job is you’re just creating value for someone else. By focusing on my side hustles, I’m able to focus full-time on innovating my brand,” added the financial guru who lost 3k in a soft-pyramid scheme re-selling Hot Wheels cars on ebay after hearing about it on a Gary Vaynerchuk podcast.
“Work is a low-ROI activity. As a money guy, I’m only interested in high ROI activities,” stated the Forbes-cover worthy Liam who made $20 on fiverr writing a highly plagerized speech on “Synergies In Business” for a grade 9 private school student.
“He told me if I didn’t have at least six different side-hustles I was wasting my life,” said friend Karen Dawson. “One time I asked him a super basic question about ETFs, and he told me to read Freakonomics and then asked if I wanted in on his Gangster Gerbilz NFT collection he was working on,” added Dawson.
“Last I heard he was writing his real estate license and honestly I think we’re all relieved. Anyone can make money doing that.”