Canada announces travel restrictions for vaccines heading to other countries
OTTAWA – In response to the new omicron variant of Covid-19 the Canadian government has announced new travel restrictions, aimed at preventing any vaccines from leaving Canada for other cou…
FILM REVIEW: Squid Game porn parody gets real weird, real quick
HAMILTON – Hi again, loyal readers! I’m here to give you the inside scoop on everything film and I’m thrilled to tell you all that the newly released porn parody of hit Netflix series Squid Game …
Woman starts new life in woods after spelling “recommend” wrong 3 times in a row
MONCTON – Michelle Javernick, nurse and mother of two, walked straight into the lush New Brunswick wilderness this week to restart her life after unsuccessfully attempting to spell “recomme…
Band reunites to play worst album in its entirety
TORONTO – Yesterday, seminal pop-punk act The Pressgang announced the band will reunite next February to play Elipsis – the group’s objectively worst album – in its entire…
Woman who stopped using self-deprecating humor not really funny anymore
VANCOUVER- Authorities and loved ones of local woman Ashley Calpeski became concerned last week when she stopped saying self-deprecating things about herself and started being no fun. “Ashley is…
Serial Killer hoping to continue working remotely at least part time
HILLSIDE FALLS – Local serial killer, Stanley “The Hillside Reaper” Chisolm, has reported experiencing mixed emotions regarding the reopening of workplaces, hoping to maintain work-from-home for …
Grocery bag really excited to become garbage bag
OTTAWA – A report coming from the nation’s bathrooms and under the kitchen sinks have found that your plastic grocery bag is really excited to be used as a garbage bag. “Mih Yinkd hah…
Dad does dad thing
A CANADIAN SUBURB – Multiple sources are reporting that John Jackson, a local father of three, is going to spend the day performing an activity associated with his status as a dad. “I can’t wait …
Fake doctors take brave stand against real medicine
VANCOUVER – The B.C. College of Chiropractors, firmly rejecting the scientific method in favor of treatment by loud bone-cracking sounds, voted overwhelmingly against a vaccine mandate at t…
Childhood home sold to lovely young numbered holding company
BRAMPTON – Local family the Feldmans have recently sold their beloved 2-story bungalow to a charming, newly-incorporated holding company. “Our family made a lot of memories in that home,” e…
