SILICON VALLEY – Amid reports that NFT sales have plummeted 92% since September, the techbro who has struggled to explain what NFTs even are is also assuring you that “the drop is also definitely part of it”.
“You see, NFTs are like a non-fungible token, which is a digital marker you keep in your online active wallet,” explained noted techbro Justin Kranz, 27, as he hastily sold his own stockpile of rapidly-depreciating NFTs. “It’s all pretty technical and hard for me to explain right now, but trust me when I say that a sudden 92% drop in the market is DEFINITELY part of how they function as well.”
Kranz, whose net worth is reportedly anywhere between $800,000 and $27, says the market collapse has not shaken his confidence in NFTs, nor his eagerness to encourage others to buy them.
“Yeah bro, you should definitely be buying into NFTs right now,” insisted Kranz, wiping visible flop sweat from his forehead. “The 92% market collapse isn’t a bad thing. It’s just part of how the online ledgers decentralize NFTs into… markets… and diamond hands… Look, do you wanna buy some of these ugly ape jpegs or not?”
Kranz is not alone in insisting that a precipitous drop in the NFT market is in fact intrinsic to how the online assets mysteriously create value.
“Oh, it’s completely legit,” said Mark Shermer, member of the online ‘Bored Ape Yacht Club’ NFT Collective. “You see, you pay real money on the blockchain to own an image, even though someone can right click and save it, but that’s part of it too, anyway, yadda yadda yadda the market drops 92% etcetera etcetera we all get rich to the moon, baby!”
“So now that I’ve totally explained to you how they work, how would you like to pay me $2 million for an NFT of the first time someone tweeted the word ‘FARTS’,” added Shermer enticingly.
With NFT sales dropping to 19,000 this week, compared to 225,000 in September, NFT enthusiasts insist this is actually the perfect time for new investors to buy into the market, irrespective of their understanding of any of the technology.
“Trust me, NFTs are the complex investment of the future, and that’s why it only LOOKS like there’s a bunch of panicked early adopters trying to unload all of their worthless assets onto unsuspecting new marks,” explained Kranz.
“Now if you’ll excuse me, I have to call my old manager at Orange Julius and see if I can get my job back.”