OTTAWA – After being accused of dropping an f-bomb during Parliamentary proceedings, Prime Minister Justin Trudeau has promised to no longer swear in the House of Commons if that’s really what you stupid cunts want.
“I am aware that some members of the opposition feel that I used un-parliamentary language by uttering the word “fuck” during House of Commons proceedings,” said Prime Minister Trudeau, addressing the media on Thursday. “And to that I say, if that shit bothers you shitheels so goddamn much, I’ll watch my goddamn mouth if it’ll keep you turd-sucking pissbabies off my back.”
Trudeau proceeded to repeat his statements in French, concluding with a raised middle finger and the word “tabarnaque”.
Members of both the Conservative Party of Canada and the People’s Party of Canada say they take offense to Trudeau’s statements.
“Look, when I call the Prime Minister a Muslim-loving communist Nazi pedophile cuck lovechild of Fidel Castro while waving a ‘Fuck Trudeau’ flag, that’s important political dialogue,” said Maxime Bernier, speaking through a walkie-talkie from an undisclosed underground bunker. “But there are certain lines of decorum that simply can’t be crossed.”
Trudeau would not be moved however, insisting “I only said fuddle-duddle you motherfucking bitches.”
At press time, Justin Trudeau had not yet responded to allegations that he had dipped his testicles in Interim Leader of the Opposition Candice Bergen’s morning coffee while repeating, “At least I’m not swearing, right? It’s only unparliamentary if you’re swearing.”