SMITHS FALLS, ON ― In an attempt to assuage customers’ consciences and boost last-minute Christmas Eve sales, local handmade clothing store, The Silver Thread, has announced that they will not force o...
New Stranger Things season draws on nostalgia for 2016 when it was good
HOLLYWOOD, CA – Netflix’s smash hit Stranger Things, which has drawn on influences like E.T., Nightmare On Elm Street, and Back To The Future, has used its recently-released 5th season to ...
Poilievre asks BC Conservative leader for tips on just refusing to leave
VICTORIA, B.C. – CPC leader Pierre Poilievre has expressed keen interest as news broke that BC Conservative Party leader John Rustad is unilaterally rejecting his party’s attempts to remove him....
Quebec legislators brainstorming ideas for which religion to scapegoat next
“This ‘blame Muslims’ thing has been great, but we can’t ride that wave forever.” Luke and the Panel (Ian MacIntyre, Clare Blackwood and Nile Seguin) talk about the fallo...
White House astonished as Pete Hegseth reads Franklin book all by himself
WASHINGTON D.C. – Officials inside the Trump White House are beaming with pride after US Secretary of War Pete Hegseth was able to complete the classic Canadian children’s book Franklin Fibs wit...
PEI waiting for someone to notice they voted to separate from Canada in 2019
CHARLOTTETOWN – The Premier of Prince Edward Island, apparently someone named Rob Lantz, released a statement demanding a response from Ottawa on the 2019 separation referendum that resulted in ...
OPINION: The AI Crash will all be worth it if I just get to lay just a few thousand people off
by Jameson Varner, CEO I’m the CEO of a major accounting firm, which means I have my finger on the market’s pulse. Both financial and tech journalists have been predicting that artificial ...
RFK Jr. criticizes science behind seatbelts
Washington, D.C. – In another upending of health rules and regulations from the new administration, secretary of health RFK Jr. has revealed the true dangers of seat belt use. “Seatbelts may be ...
Steven Guilbeault resigns from cabinet after Danielle Smith threatens to build new pipeline through his house
OTTAWA – With Prime Minister Mark Carney and Alberta Premier Danielle Smith signing a new pipeline agreement, Canada’s Minister of Canadian Identity and Culture Steven Guilbeault resigned from c...
Huge Black Friday lineup turns out to just be for Food Bank
HAMILTON, ON – Local residents this morning report driving past an excitingly long lineup and assuming it was for a blowout Black Friday sale, before realizing that it was just a regular queue f...
