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Bagged milk distributor begins attaching “bag titty”
QUEBEC – After receiving thousands of complaints related to pouring issues, bagged milk distributor Saputo has begun attaching a nipple to milk bags for increased dispensing control. The dairy gi…
New immigrant assimilates into Canadian culture by moving to the US
TORONTO – Karim Dabi, a recent immigrant to Canada, became an inspiration to the local new immigrant community by achieving the Canadian dream of landing a role at a tech startup in Austin,…
“It’s probably just seasonal allergies,” says man who really wants to go to a concert this week
MONTREAL – “It must be seasonal allergies,” says 25-year-old Kyle Miller, as he blows his nose and coughs. Miller has never before had any seasonal allergies, but he does have tickets to a Vampir…
What are the odds? Marmaduke and Garfield both up to some real bullshit today
LETHBRIDGE – According to local sources, the shenanigans occurring on the comics page of the morning newspaper are completely out of control. “I sat down to have my coffee and the very first thin…
Canada celebrates Asian Heritage Month as Asia celebrates May
VANCOUVER — Canada is celebrating the history of Canadians of Asian heritage this month while on the other side of the world, Asia celebrates yet another May. 2022 marks the 20th anniversary of t…
Trudeau confused why Canadians who can’t afford rent not embracing luxury electric vehicles
OTTAWA – Today during a press conference discussing Canada’s commitments to reduce carbon emissions, Prime Minister Justin Trudeau expressed confusion over why more Canadians currently stru…
BMW, Tesla remain deadlocked in battle for rich asshole market
L.A. – Consumer reports indicate that BMW and Tesla are still the top vehicle choices for wealthy pieces of shit. “BMW has historically dominated the trust fund douchebag demographic,” said…
Unpaid intern promoted to just unemployed
WINDSOR, ON – Recent graduate Dana McAllister is thrilled about her latest opportunity – being unemployed after completing an unpaid internship. McAllister, who had relocated to Toron…
