Jason Kenney finally delivers best summer ever

EDMONTON – After promising Albertans the “best summer ever” in 2021, Premier Jason Kenney has finally delivered on his word by resigning. Kenney received 51.4% of the vote in a leadership review …

Steven Del Duca takes 10 awkward seconds to recall name of current Ontario Liberal Leader

Chatham,ONT – At a campaign rally today, Steven Del Duca paused during his stump speech and appeared to take 10-12 seconds to remember the name of the current Ontario Liberal Party leader. …

CBS announces ‘Young Sheldon’ spin-off, ‘Forced Birth Sheldon’

CALIFORNIA – Fans of “The Big Bang Theory” and “Young Sheldon” are in luck. CBS announced a new spinoff called “Forced Birth Sheldon” featuring the pre-birth fetus of Sheldon Cooper, the wi…

Last weekend was the Juno Awards and we forgot but here’s what might have happened

Toronto, Ontario (Probably) – The Juno Awards happened last weekend and we swear we were totally going to watch it but we didn’t, so here’s a roundup of what probably happened! So first, Ju…

Ontario pharmacies facing shortage of cold medicine for some reason

TORONTO – Pharmacies across Ontario are facing a shortage of cold-fighting household staples, and no one seems to be able to pinpoint the reason why. Across the province, residents are unab…

47,000 Bryces graduate from business school

CALGARY – As universities around Canada conclude their academic year, thousands upon thousands of young men named Bryce are graduating from their respective business schools. “I can’t wait to beg…

Raising your kids to be Leafs fans classified as child abuse

TORONTO – Child Services has announced that, going forward, they will deem any parent encouraging their young children to be fans of the Toronto Maple Leafs to be negligent, abusive and bor…

As bitcoin crashes, Poilievre vows to find new volatile fad to tie Canadian economy to

OTTAWA – In the wake of this week’s trillion dollar crypto-market meltdown, Conservative leadership candidate Pierre Poilievre has vowed to find an even riskier and more fraud-prone investm…

Conservative Party of Canada vows not to change ambiguous stance on abortion

OTTAWA – The Conservative Party of Canada has announced that, despite the growing pro-life movement in the United States government, Canadians can rest easy knowing that they won’t know the…

“Wanna see me open it with my teeth?” says frat boy operating the roof at the Rogers Centre

BLUE JAY WAY, TORONTO – In a misguided effort to impress someone, Sigma Chi president and Rogers Centre roof operator Andrew “Smitty-boy” Smith is claiming he can open the stadium roof with his t…