“I’m actually a mixologist,” says bartender about to charge you $27.50 for a gin and tonic 

CALGARY – A bartender at a cocktail joint called the Top Hat is about to charge you an exorbitant sum for a two-ingredient drink, according to tipsy sources who are feeling ripped off.  “So this …

Netflix announces final season of Stranger Things will consist of six 15-hour movies, released randomly over the next decade

LOS GATOS, CA – The streaming service Netflix has not only officially announced that the hit show Stranger Things will return for its fifth and final season, but that the season will be com…

Canada Day face paint includes footnote about not being one of those Convoy fucks

OTTAWA – Sean Rice, dressed in his usual July 1st garb of Canada flag boxers, Canada flag face-paint and a full Canadian flag worn as a cape, has had to take special precautions to prevent …

Pierre Poilievre marches in solidarity with brave part-time soldiers afraid of needles

OTTAWA – Demonstrating his support for vaccine choice, leading Conservative Party candidate Pierre Poilievre marched with a group of fired reservists who are afraid of needles. Poilievre pr…

Country fails to see the symbolism in taking down pride flags on Canada Day

OTTAWA – The first day of July, also known as Canada Day, is a holiday Canadians spend going to the beach, setting off fireworks, and taking down pride flags nationwide. The federal government ma…

US Supreme Court rules Environmental Protection Agency’s powers do not extend to protecting environment

WASHINGTON — The US Supreme Court has struck down the Environmental Protection Agency’s (EPA) ability to limit greenhouse pollution from power plants, arguing that protecting the environment does…

Ontario allows landlords a record rent hike to deal with the inflation that only affects them and not tenants

TORONTO – Ontario has doubled the maximum rate a landlord can raise a tenant’s rent next year in order to help them cope with the cost of living increases that affect them and not the peopl…

Excited Democrats speculate that if Republicans strip 1 or 2 more fundamental rights away, they might win the midterms

WASHINGTON D.C. – In the wake of the Supreme Court’s ruling overturning Roe v. Wade and Republican states taking immediate measures to ban abortion and force women to give birth, a bo…

Editorial: If COVID-19 is so bad, how come I got it 3 times and I can still do a backflip?

I’ve had COVID-19 thrice now, and I gotta say: what’s the big idea? Why are we trying to prevent it so much when it’s just like a little cold that barely stops you from doing anything! I can stil…

Freedom Convoy just wants the freedom to murder judges 

OTTAWA – One of the judges who presided over the court hearings of the Freedom Convoy organisers is facing threats from the Convoy’s supporters, who insist that they just want to exercise their G…