Rogers announces all customers affected by nationwide outage will receive free copy of Ted Rogers’ autobiography
TORONTO – After a massive nationwide outage left people without internet, cable or phone for 24 hours or longer Rogers Communications Inc. reiterated how sorry it was and promised that ever…
Student driver fails “Yelling at innocent cyclist” portion of road test
TORONTO, ON – Seventeen-year-old Alexandra Green failed her road test yesterday after neglecting to scream and curse at a law-abiding cyclist. The biker, who was safely riding on the right side …
Putin determines cyber attack against Canada not necessary since Rogers is far more effective
MOSCOW – Russian President Vladimir Putin has determined that allowing the existence of Rogers Telecommunications as a major provider in Canada is much better than launching a cyber attack …
Rogers proudly announces $10 service charge for “Unplug and Relax” nationwide outage
TORONTO – Rogers Canada has proudly announced that all of their customers nationwide who experienced cellphone and internet outages yesterday will only be charged a low $10 service charge f…
Juraj Slafkovský excited to play in front of Montreal’s famously patient and understanding fans
MONTREAL – After being selected first overall in the 2022 NHL draft, 18-year-old Slovakian left winger Juraj Slafkovský is thrilled by the opportunity to play for Montreal’s serene hockey …
Rogers offers Canada’s fastest, most reliable outages across the country
Paid Advertisement Experience Canada’s most reliable 5G network outages! Rogers Communications Inc. allows customers to deny access to the most basic telecommunications services. Upgrade to Roge…
Boris Johnson leaves yet another party disheveled and without a clue what’s going on
LONDON, UK — After numerous calls for his resignation, British Prime Minister Boris Johnson has finally stumbled out of the Conservative Party despite not understanding what he did to piss everyo…
Friend who knows more about finance than you always losing money
MISSISSAUGA, ON – According to a recent analysis of financial trends within your friend group, it was revealed that your friend Liam who totally knows everything about finance is also the s…
Read our best guesses as to what Patrick Brown did
Well over 24 hours since they disqualified Patrick Brown from the leadership campaign for “serious allegations of wrongdoing” the Conservative Party still has not announced what Brown…
Population of Manitoba plummets when residents realize they’re allowed to leave
WINNIPEG -The Province of Manitoba has experienced a devastating population collapse after former residents learned that they could just, like, leave whenever they wanted to, and it wasn’t even i…
