TORONTO – In efforts to model sound environmental stewardship, the Dog-Walker Association of Ontario has become the latest company to eliminate plastic bags, along with every dog walkers’ sense ...
Charter Of Rights & Freedoms renamed Charter Of Long-Term Goals & General Guidelines
OTTAWA – With Conservative Premiers now freely using S. 33 to overrule any court ruling getting in the way of their agenda the federal government has announced plans to rename The Charter Of Rig...
Just to be cautious, Ontario announces Eglinton LRT will be open by the year 2236
TORONTO – In an effort to assuage concerns regarding the long overdue Eglinton Crosstown LRT, Premier Doug Ford has announced a cautiously optimistic opening date of 2236. “I’m very pleased to finally...
Maritime Weather Service updates hurricane season forecast from “gosh golly” to “holy cannoli”
HALIFAX – Following a stretch of above-average ocean temperatures and earlier-than-usual storm formation, meteorologists at Canada’s national weather service have officially updated the hurrican...
Free speech champions explain why it’s OK that people are being cancelled for criticizing Israel
As academics, celebrities and politicians face backlash and loss of work for condemning Israel’s bombing of the Gaza strip and treatment of Palestinians in general, we asked a number of people w...
Teacher struggling to indoctrinate child who never pays attention
REGINA, SK – Local school teacher Max Hammond is concerned that if one of his students doesn’t start focusing more in class, they will miss out on being forcibly led to adopt a more left-wing vi...
Threesome rescheduled again
EDMONTON – Following yet another scheduling conflict, local couple Gregory and Alexia Carter have once again had to postpone their threesome with mutual friend Taylor Long. “We’ve been trying to make ...
Childless Millennial couple announces plans to get really into Halloween this year
BARRIE, ON – Tyler and Sarah Kergin, a happily childless local couple, has always enjoyed Halloween. But yesterday they told reporters that they plan to “pull out like ALL the stops” this Octobe...
Luxury porta-potty includes chemical bidet
CALGARY — Patrons at the Calgary Philharmonic Orchestra’s “Symphony by the River” were delighted to discover the onsite porta-potties included an opulent new feature: chemical bidets. “Our concerts dr...
Desperate Quebec City officials offer Bettman one night of unbridled passion with Bonhomme
QUEBEC CITY – Officials in Quebec City have decided to up the ante in their pursuit for a return of pro-hockey to their community by proffering NHL Commissioner Gary Bettman an “affectionate and...
