WASHINGTON, DC – Recently-confirmed Education Secretary Betsy DeVos has purchased a small public school to practice on before she assumes the responsibilities for her new job. “I̵…
U.S.
Mitch McConnell Congressmansplains arcane senate rules to Elizabeth Warren
WASHINGTON D.C. – One day after Senate Majority Leader Mitch McConnell stunned Democrats when he interrupted Massachusetts Senator Elizabeth Warren’s speech about Jeff Sessions’ past and us…
Betsy DeVos promises to pass GED in time for first day of work
WASHINGTON D.C. – Immediately after being confirmed as Secretary of Education in an extremely close Senate vote, Betsy DeVos spoke to the media and promised to secure her General Educationa…
“This is how fascism starts,” says man who hasn’t been paying attention for last couple months
FREDERICTON — Local man Carl Hampton recently retweeted Donald Trump’s statement that “all negative polls are fake news” with the phrase “This is how fascism starts,” notably missing out on the f…
Intelligence Agencies allege Russian campaign to disseminate fake horoscopes
WASHINGTON D.C. – Former CIA Director John Brennan briefed members of Congress this morning, alleging a massive cyber disinformation campaign waged by Russia to circulate misleading and eve…
American coal mines reopened after Trump buries million tons of coal
WEST VIRGINIA – Following through on his promise to get coal country working again, Donald Trump has purchased millions of tons of coal, and buried it throughout the West Virginian countrys…
Americans substitute ‘hang in there kitty’ posters for ‘ostrich with head in sand’
UNITED STATES OF AMERICA – As the dust settled on the first week of the new U.S. administration, millions of Americans sought to redecorate for the impending apocalypse by tearing down thei…
America regrets using Monkey’s Paw to wish for a proactive president
UNITED STATES – Despite the cryptic warning given by the one-eyed shopkeep, several months ago The United States used a monkey’s paw to wish for a proactive president, a wish they now regre…
Obama finding it hard to fall asleep without sound of LBJ’s ghost bragging about its ghost dick
WASHINGTON, D.C. – After eight years of trying to sleep while the ghost of Lyndon Baines Johnson stalked up and down the Presidential bedroom, ranting about the size of its spectral phallus…
BREAKING: Statue of Liberty has begun fading from old photographs
NEW YORK – After Donald Trump signed an executive order banning all immigrants and refugees from several Muslim countries, sources across the country are reporting that the Statue of Libert…
