WASHINGTON D.C. – Donald Trump skipped the White House correspondents’ dinner this weekend, opting instead to hold a rally celebrating his 100th day in office – the “longest ever term by a president” according to Trump.
“When you look at it, think: have you ever seen a hundred days?” asked Trump during the gala. “I checked, and it’s the longest ever. No one’s ever done it. Never been done.”
When several of the assembled media explained that there have in fact been several presidential terms longer than 100 days, he simply replied: “That’s what they’ll say, the media is so mean to me. So unfair. People are gonna want to say nasty things. I heard it, I heard it was the longest ever, I never actually said it was the longest ever but people say that.”
The gala was preceded by an outdoor rally, where attendees shouted slogans like “one more hundred” and “long-est ev-er *clap-clap-clap-clap-clap*”
“I just think it’s incredible,” gushed Trump fan Eric Bronbauer, who marched in the rally. “You’d never see something like this with a regular politician, they just don’t have his stamina. You learn that in business. Like, what did Obama do. In eight full years as president, could you tell me a hundred days-worth of president stuff he did?”
Press Secretary Sean Spicer said the milestone deserves celebration, and suggested creating an annual holiday to “commemorate the record”. He went on to compare Trump’s presidency so far to Jesus Christ’s carrying of the cross.
“You can see the similarities – and wait, no, hold on. I don’t mean that the President is going to be placed on a cross and die,” explained Spicer. “Not that, but just these 100 days, which I understand are a record, the President said that, and he was quoting someone else – he’s giving of himself, in a way that’s never been done before, except maybe Jesus, so that’s worth recognizing.”
Trump looks forward to checking in with his supporters on his campaign promises, all of which he plans to completely make up during his speech.