WOODBRIDGE, ON – After an aggregate 1-0 loss to Sweden in the playoff stages of World Cup qualifying, one Nonna seems to have the answer to explain the nation’s first qualification failure …
Sports
Spectator clearly pretending he understands rugby rules
GUELPH, ON – Early reports indicate that rugby spectator Marco Kelley has absolutely no idea about the rules of rugby union gameplay. For roughly 20 minutes, Kelley blended in with the othe…
Emotionally unavailable boyfriend cries as sports legend retires
BROCKVILLE, ON – Reports this evening indicate that 27-year-old Dillon Carsaw, who up until now has shown little to no sign of emotional affection towards others, has spent the past two hou…
The Beaverton’s NHL preview 2017-2018
The biggest question in the 2017-2018 season is this: Will Canada snap it’s 23 year drought and finally bring Lord Stanley home? The Beaverton takes a look at each Canadian team’s chances: The Va…
Doctors concerned Sidney Crosby has sustained another concussion after he accepts invitation to Trump White House
PITTSBURGH – Sidney Crosby has accepted President Donald Trump’s invitation to visit the White House, leading neurologists to believe that the former NHL MVP has received a concussion in th…
City of Edmonton offers to pay for Flames’ new arena in exchange for naming rights to ‘Eat Shit Calgary’ Place
EDMONTON – After more than two years of failed negotiations between the city of Calgary and the Calgary Sport and Entertainment Corporation (CSEC) over funding of a new arena for the Calgary Flam…
Toronto Raptors looking to compete for title of fourth or fifth best team in NBA
TORONTO – With the upcoming NBA season rapidly approaching, there is an air of excitement in Toronto as Raptors fans see their teaming having a real shot to do the unthinkable and finally w…
NHL threatens to move Canucks to Calgary if city doesn’t build new stadium
Calgary- After walking away from negotiations with the Calgary city council earlier this week the NHL has publicly threatened to move the Vancouver Canucks to Calgary if the city does not foot at…
Upcoming UFC card features grumpiest fighters yet
EDMONTON – The UFC event in Edmonton will feature a title bout between the sport’s two grumpiest fighters: Stu Caufield and Frank Leroux, neither of whom has smiled since Mambo No.5 w…
Scotiabank announces that all non-Leafs fans will have to pay $2.50 to use Scotiabank arena
TORONTO – The Air Canada Centre will be getting a new name along with an additional $2.50 fee for any non-Toronto Maple Leaf fans who wish to attend games. Scotiabank says that the fee is a…
