MONTREAL – After their technically perfect and perfectly erotic short and long dance programs led them to another ice dance gold medal, Canada’s Virtue and Moir are currently dominating the…
Sports
Grandmother watching Olympic figure skating thinks Virtue and Moir should just fuck already
CALGARY – An 85-year-old grandmother and fan of Olympic ice dancing thinks Canadian Olympic figure skaters Tessa Virtue and Scott Moir should “just fuck already.” Janice Bondar made the ann…
Historian confirms ancient Greek Olympic curling took place in the nude
LAVAL, QC – A recent study shows that the original Olympic athletes of ancient Greece, long thought to not practice any winter sports at all, did in fact compete at curling, and did so comp…
Canada wins gold in slush puddle long jump
PYEONGCHANG – Canada has added another Olympic gold medal to its count after a Toronto woman leapt a record-setting 3.21m over a large slush puddle at the Gangneung Pedestrian Crossing Cour…
Olympic Update: Canada takes silver in cross-country bobsleigh
PYEONGCHANG – Despite stiff competition from Austria, Finland and the Olympic athletes from Russia, Canada has won its fifth silver medal of the games in cross-country bobsleigh. The event …
Sidney Crosby: “I would never let my children play hockey. The risk of getting drafted by Edmonton is too high”
EDMONTON – With a growing number of concerns about the dangers of playing hockey, several notable names are speaking out against the associated risks, including NHL superstar Sidney Crosby.…
Puppy Bowl suspends black Lab for sitting during anthem
SILVER SPRING, MD – Causing a row in what was supposed to be a jubilant culmination of this year’s adorable puppies playing season, Animal Planet officials at the Puppy Bowl have suspended …
Eagles sign Colin Kaepernick for one-game contract to defeat Tom Brady, save football, America, just moments before you wake up
MINNEAPOLIS, MN – In a surprise last-minute transaction, the Philadelphia Eagles have signed controversial quarterback Colin Kaepernick to a one-day contract that will allow him to lead the…
Canada discovers paying millions to host World Cup easier than getting there by being good at soccer
OTTAWA – Canada has discovered a new way for its team to qualify for the World Cup: paying millions of dollars to host the event. The joint bid from Canada, the United States and Mexico to …
Touchdown celebration enters third day
PITTSBURGH, PA – The Pittsburgh Steelers have appeared to go above and beyond the expected victory march with their most recent touchdown celebration, which this afternoon surpassed the 70 …
