TORONTO – As the debate rages about who is the best player in the NHL: Auston Matthews or Connor McDavid, experts are saying there is no real way to properly settle the debate until they bo…
Sports
NHL refs an inspiration to millions who would love to get paid for not doing their job
TORONTO – Usually it’s the hockey players that are praised for inspiring people. But today people are taking time to praise the unsung heroes of the game, the refs, for letting them k…
Canada eager to find out what this “World Cup” is they’ve heard so much about
TORONTO – With Canada’s Men’s Soccer Team beating Jamaica 4-0 in a qualifying match, the entire nation is reportedly curious to discover what this so-called “World Cup” is that they’ve hear…
Tom Brady cheats retirement
TAMPA BAY – Only six weeks after retiring from the NFL, Tom Brady has taken the air out of speculation on his future plans by announcing he will be joining the Tampa Bay Buccaneers for anot…
MLB owners, players finally work out deal after remembering how much game means to the day drinking community
NEW YORK CITY – After months of negotiations, Major League Baseball players and owners ratified a collective bargaining agreement to save the 2022 season after remembering how much the spor…
TSN, Sportsnet locked in fierce battle to see who can provide worse streaming service
TORONTO – Long-time competitors TSN and Sportsnet are continuing their years-long battle to see who can provide the lowest quality online streaming option for Canadians still willing to pay…
“Thank Christ, we needed this” says nation
BEIJING – The Canadian women’s hockey team has won the Olympic gold medal, prompting an exhausted nation to declare “Holy fucking shit, thank you.” “Between two and a half years of COVID and all …
Humiliating: Canadian women’s hockey team wins quarterfinals by a mere 11 goals
BEIJING – The Canadian women’s hockey team was embarrassed at the Winter Olympics after squeaking by Sweden in the quarterfinal with a meagre 11-0 victory. “Everyone in that locker room knows we…
Curler’s boyfriend dreading being told to “hurry hard” in bed
GRIMSBY, ON ― 34-year-old Garret Larsen, boyfriend of local skip Eliza Dupont, has admitted that her tendency to compare their sex life to curling is starting to wear a little thin. “It was funny…
5 events to watch at the Olympics which we DEFINITELY remembered were happening
What, they’re still doing that? Like with Omicron and everything? I mean, hello, and welcome to the 2022 Winter Games happening in… wait until Wikipedia refreshes… Beijing! Wait, is that a typo? …
