ELORA, ON – In a promising case that has the scientific community cautiously optimistic, local man Kyle Redding appears to be no worse off for his decision not to watch Marvel’s Netfl…
Local
Forgive and forget: local woman reconciles with the fire that burnt down her home
Dauphin, MB – After her home, along with many others, was destroyed in a neighbourhood fire last year, local woman Rebecca Sikes told herself that she never wanted to see another fire as lo…
Man in new relationship becoming that which once he hated
KITCHENER — Local man Richard Stephens, having only recently begun a new relationship after several years of being single, has already found himself mired in the depths of the hackneyed, overly r…
Free Hugs volunteers killing the $5 hugs industry
REGINA – The once thriving industry of paid hugs in Canada have all but disappeared over the past few years due volunteers who are offering their services for free. 36-year-old Aiden Greger…
Radicalized bacterium joins antibiotic resistance
The gut of Rachel McGrath, ON – Weakened but not destroyed by a ruthless class of broad-spectrum agents, an E. Coli bacterium who inhabits Oakville resident Rachel McGrath’s gastrointestinal trac…
Local strapless bra’s woman just going to slide up all night
TORONTO- Despite its best efforts to stay in place, a local strapless bra is spending its entire evening trying to keep club-goer Darla Smith from sliding out of its supportive grip. “They keep p…
Frightened Cheerio enters uncharted void between plastic bag and cereal box
UNKNOWN — A routine voyage to The Bowl was beset by tragedy this morning, when a straggling Cheerio fell into the unmapped nether region between the plastic bag and cereal box. The oat morsel wa…
Report: It not supposed to make that sound
THE GARAGE – A report commissioned after everyone listened to it and wondered if maybe it’s supposed to make that sound has concluded that “no, it is not.” “It is designed to operate …
Hero cat saves couch by barfing on carpet
MISSISSAUGA – The Ryan family cat, Cupcake was awarded the household medal of bravery after saving their brand new sectional by vomiting on the carpet instead. “At first I thought it was a hairba…
Local couple fails to master winter sports for seventh consecutive year
SARNIA, ON – Mike Johansson and Ani Mah have once again failed to master a winter sport despite their ambition and an arsenal of expensive winter sports equipment. “We got some great top of…
