The gut of Rachel McGrath, ON – Weakened but not destroyed by a ruthless class of broad-spectrum agents, an E. Coli bacterium who inhabits Oakville resident Rachel McGrath’s gastrointestinal tract has decided to become part of the antibiotic resistance.
“We should have anticipated this,” said World Health Organization microbiologist Nella Portier. “We targeted her family [of gram-negative bacteria], killed most of her friends, and, embarrassingly, called her a superbug. It was only a matter of time before she struck back.”
Sources allege that the bacterium became indoctrinated after the antibiotics sent to eradicate her pathogenic brothers in McGrath’s lower intestines inadvertently injured the harmless gut flora to which she belonged. This desperation motivated the germ to organize with other members of the antimicrobial resistance and infect the host.
Although most of the bacterial population support the insurgency, the community remains divided, with some suggesting that the resistance is nothing but a group of “terror cells” that contributes to “harmful serotypes.” Still, even the moderate bacteria expressed outrage at the over-the-top immune response and the actions by those who enjoy “multicellular privilege.”
“We were careless, and we must take steps to ensure we don’t cause more inflammation,” said Portier. “Above all, we need to protect and uphold the rights [of drug administration]: the right patient, the right drug, the right dose, the right route, and the right time.”
Although McGrath is slowly recovering, experts fear that the power vacuum created by the premature cessation of her antibiotics could be filled by hostile legionella.