SANTA CLARITA, CA – Cruise companies across the world have begun offering passengers a choice between the default norovirus infection typically received aboard ship and an upgrade to a higher-end…
Lifestyle
Boyfriend sentenced to daily skincare routine
RICHMOND HILL, ON – A decision rendered by a small claims court has ordered Bryan Ramos to begin implementing a daily skincare routine at the behest of his girlfriend, Vanessa Adeyemi. “Alt…
“Might as well, I’m on vacation,” says local man as he drinks from puddle of radioactive waste
PICKERING, ON – Onlookers watched in fascination and horror today as Alexander Landau, a fifth grade teacher from Saskatoon, drank radioactive liquid from a puddle near Canada’s oldest nucl…
Pragmatic supervillain sets sights on conquering small Midwestern township
LANESBORO, MN – Residents of a tiny American township were mildly confused last week when Professor Mastermind, a prolific supervillain famous for his use of mind control, announced that he…
Guests furious hotels will no longer be giving out little bottles filled with terrible products no one uses
VANCOUVER – Citing environmental concerns, several major hotel chains are switching from small bottles filled with cheap personal hygiene products to large, built-in dispensers and many gue…
Woman killed by monster after realizing running is worse than death
TORONTO – Following a terrifying appearance of a werewolf in Toronto’s High Park, 33-year-old accountant Felicia Delmont was savagely ripped to pieces due to her complete and utter refusal to eng…
Hacked psychic website compromises millions of users’ tarot card information
TORONTO – In what appears to be the largest data leak of its kind, popular psychic website ‘tomorrow-truth-today.ca’ has been hacked, leaving millions of users’ tarot card info exposed. “I’…
Two weeks into diet, popcorn ceiling looking a little too delicious
RICHMOND HILL, ON – After a shaky start to her new year’s resolutions, a local woman’s diet progress collapsed when her popcorn ceiling started to look devilishly tempting. Helena Miller re…
Makeup-free woman actually is pretty tired, thank you for noticing
TORONTO – Felicity McMurray, 33, was overwhelmed with gratitude on Monday after she accidentally left the house without makeup and received constant concerned observations about how utterly…
Addict says she can stop bullet journaling anytime
RICHMOND HILL, ON – This past Monday, frantic university student Hanna Bambas reiterated to a group of concerned peers that she does not have a problem and can stop bullet journaling anytim…
