TORONTO – Felicity McMurray, 33, was overwhelmed with gratitude on Monday after she accidentally left the house without makeup and received constant concerned observations about how utterly exhausted she looked.
“My schedule is so hectic I completely forgot to apply it,” the financial consultant explained on her thirty second lunch break. “I was worried that not looking deceptively put together would negatively affect my day, but luckily for me, I’ve had friends, coworkers, and even complete strangers approaching me non-stop to tell me how burned out I seem. It’s just really nice to know they’re looking out for me.”
McMurray’s usual aesthetic regime, which includes blush, lipstick, and half a pound of undereye concealer, successfully hides her general state of fatigue. Facing her 14-hour work day without it for the first time since puberty, she received nothing but incredibly helpful tips and positive constructive criticism.
“Good lord, have you seen the circles under her eyes?” asked boss Jim Coburn. “I’ve never noticed before how hard she must work to look that worn out. I should give her a raise. She can use the extra money to buy more, what is it, merscara? I don’t know, I’ve never had to wear the stuff.”
“She just looks ill,” offered total stranger Randy Jones. “I mean, look at all the gross lines on her face!” When asked how he knew Ms. McMurray, he added, “Oh, I don’t, I just passed her on the street and figured she would want to know how tired she is. I was being nice.”
Upon McMurray’s recent announcement that she would be going makeup-free more often to save money and feel more like her true self, her family started a collection fund to buy her a facelift, stating that they “just can’t bear to see her like this.”