LOS ANGELES – A recent press release for the upcoming biographical drama based on the life of actor Sean Bean has implied that it will feature yet another death scene for the actor, best kn…
Culture
Ah, shit, wedding invite has lightsabers on it
EDMONTON – People invited to the Katie Carmichael-Chris Everett wedding were horrified to discover that the invitations featured lightsabers and X-Wings. “Jesus Christ, it says ‘Come celebrate a …
5 events that are finally back post-pandemic and never mind they’re already cancelled
We’ve been at this pandemic thing for over a year and wow, has a lot of stuff been cancelled! But now you’re fully vaccinated (or not!), your mask game is next level (or it isn’t!), and case numb…
True-Crime Podcaster is a little too excited that friend is missing
Hamilton, Ontario – Friends and family are asking for any information about the disappearance of Thomas McQuade, no one more so than acquaintance and true crime podcaster, Leigh Hallwood. “…
Local man gets sexy little tingle from pointing out shots that were in trailer but not movie
VAUGHAN, ON – Local accountant Shawn Kronbach recently revealed that he feels a sexy spine tingle every time he tells someone about shots that were in the film trailer but not in the film i…
James Cameron finishes filming Avatar 4 before realizing he never made Avatar 2 or 3
LOS ANGELES – James Cameron has announced he has finished filming Avatar 4 right after realizing he never made Avatar 2 or Avatar 3. “I cannot wait for everyone to see what I have in store …
Arthur series to end with fan requested “Death of DW” episode
Eldwood City, Pennsylvania – After 25 seasons, the animated children’s series Arthur is finally coming to an end with an ending producers insist “fans will love.” “After 25 seasons, we’ve d…
Ontario movie theatres reopen just in time for sweaty hand job season
SCARBOROUGH – Ontario is rejoicing as the province moves into stage three, seeing the return of indoor dining, casinos, and perhaps the most anticipated, movie theatres making a triumphant …
Disney announces new Pocahontas movie exploring tragic, sympathetic backstory of white Christian imperialism
LOS ANGELES – Following the success of their hit movies MALEFICENT and CRUELLA, Disney have announced that it plans to continue the trend of movies that humanize and sympathize with famous …
Catholic church one broken commandment away from bingo
OTTAWA, ONT – The Catholic church is reportedly one broken commandment away from getting a full card bingo. “It’s a real nail-biter,” began Father Owen Karmichael, after flashing his almost…
