CUPERTINO, CA — In response to a growing trend of laptop users covering their webcam with bandages or tape in order to avoid being spied on, Apple CEO Tim Cook has announced that such measu…
Business
Costco kiosks offering free sample tastes of bleach
ISSAQUAH, WA – Interested in expanding the selection of products customers may taste before purchasing in bulk, Costco kiosks across North America have begun to offer delicious free samples of bl…
The Brick celebrates first day in 25 years without sales event
EDMONTON, AB – Breaking a decades long sales event streak, The Brick has made today the first day in over 25 years in which their stores aren’t trying to entice customers with some sort of …
New Amazon service will deliver baseball bat directly to your union rep’s knees
PALO ALTO – After Amazon Key revolutionized home delivery by allowing strangers into your house, the retail giant has launched a new service promising to permanently change the way your uni…
After once again losing at Roll Up The Rim, local man breaks down and buys Jet Ski
Peterborough, ON – Suffering yet another horrific loss at Tim Horton’s quasi-gambling game, Roll Up The Rim, Scott Heller has decided that he can’t live a day longer without a Jetski. “I think so…
Report: Average CEO also 270 times happier than average worker
OTTAWA – Measuring the effects of money on wellbeing, a report released Friday comparing employee life-quality to that of the world’s top executives says that the average CEO is now 270 tim…
Rebel Media asks viewers to place retirement savings into ‘Rebel Ponzi Scheme’
TORONTO – Controversial media website The Rebel has unveiled a new investment opportunity for its viewers: Canada’s first conservative-only ponzi scheme. The “Rebel Freedom Scam” promises s…
Boss a little too enthusiastic about celebrating office Chinese New Year
LONDON, ON – Wearing a red and gold tie and bowing as his employees came into work, Gerald Turning, 57, a local sales manager at Brenk-Co Plastics was reportedly a tad over enthusiastic abo…
Report: the real NAFTA was in our hearts all along
Washington, DC- After months of tense negotiations between Mexico, Canada, and the US over free trade throughout the continent it has been discovered that real NAFTA has been in our hearts all al…
Airlines now planning to cut headroom on planes
SEATTLE – A leaked document from the annual International Airlines Convention (IAC) has revealed that the next cost-saving measures to be employed by carriers will be a reduction in the amo…
