LOS ANGELES – A list actor Channing Tatum’s recent multi-year absence from Hollywood films has been explained after the megastar was found trapped at the bottom of a well. “Good God, I’ve b…
Bill C-10 requires YouTube to recommend Canadian radicalization videos
OTTAWA – Bill C-10, which seeks to modernize Canadian content standards, will reportedly include provisions forcing YouTube’s algorithm to recommend Canadian conspiracy theorists and alt ri…
Nova Scotia baffles experts by listening to them about lockdown, actually doing lockdown
HALIFAX – Experts are puzzled after scientists proposed a 2 week emergency lockdown, only to have Nova Scotian premier Rankin actually institute it, rather than ignoring them, lying to them…
Doug Ford relieved to have paid sick days after workplace COVID exposure
ETOBICOKE, ON – After coming into contact with a coworker who tested positive for COVID-19, Premier Doug Ford is reportedly “hugely relieved” to have paid sick days to isolate at home, as p…
Washington Post dares to ask: “Who the fuck is Doug Ford?”
WASHINGTON D.C. – With Ontarians roundly criticizing Premier Doug Ford’s failed COVID-19 response, many were surprised to see leading American newspaper The Washington Post publish an Op-Ed…
Jacob unveils plans to eat that for a dollar
MONCTON, NB – Speaking to an assembled crowd outside of his 2nd grade classroom, 8-year-old Jacob Moir has announced that he intends to eat any substance his classmates can name and provide…
Doug Ford clarifies Yorkdale Mall still open for essential Versace, BVLGARI, and Fendi supplies
TORONTO – With a video of packed crowds at Toronto’s Yorkdale Mall going viral, just 3 days after Doug Ford announced a province-wide shutdown, today the Premier clarified that the high-end…
CDC warns of ‘catastrophic surplus of hornt-up energy’ as Regé-Jean Page exits Bridgerton Season 2
ATLANTA – One of the top officials at the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention warned on Tuesday that health experts foresee dangerous amounts of pent-up horny energy, with no opportu…
Ford applauds efficiency of press secretary/Sun columnist relationship
QUEEN’S PARK – Following the revelation of an undisclosed romantic relationship between OPC Director of Media Relations Ivana Yelich and Toronto Sun political columnist Brian Lilley, Premie…
Local man relieved COVID symptoms actually just depression
CALGARY, AB – After displaying numerous symptoms of COVID-19, local accounts manager Bryan Gramble has reported feeling a wave of relief upon discovering all of the symptoms were actually r…
