VATICAN CITY – Officials representing the Holy See have reportedly issued a formal request that Pope Francis cease ending his sermons from the balcony of St. Peter’s Basilica with local announcem…
George RR Martin confesses he lost next Game of Thrones book down a storm drain
NEW JERSEY – Famed fantasy novelist George RR Martin appeared before bewildered reporters this past Tuesday to tearfully admit that he accidentally lost the recently-finished next instalment of h…
Tyler, the Creator to battle Tyler, the Destroyer
LOS ANGELES – Amidst the Field of Trials located deeply within the Destiny Shroud, 4,000 trumpets sounded as rapper and alt-hip hop star Tyler the Creator emerged from the foggy deeps to fight hi…
Support for impeachment reaches 99% among occupants of White House
WASHINGTON D.C. – Recent polling data has astounded political experts with results suggesting that support for the impeachment of President Donald Trump has reached 99% among those who live and w…
Toronto Zoo running winter time ‘Sad Animals in Cold Cages’ promotion
TORONTO — In an effort to boost attendance during the winter months, the Toronto Zoo is featuring many of their animals from warmer climates in a special ‘Sad Animals in Cold Cages’ campaig…
Beef Industry finally develops Beyond Meat product that can feel pain
OMAHA – Food scientists working for members of the U.S. beef industry announced a breakthrough this week, successfully engineering a new strain of Beyond Meat plant protein products capable of fe…
Andrew Scheer frantically asks for do-over after accidentally voting for Trudeau
REGINA – Witnesses have reported seeing Conservative Party leader Andrew Scheer pleading with Elections Canada officials to allow him to re-do his vote after realizing that he mistakenly cast his…
Weird couple names their son “John”
OTTAWA – Friends of local couple Blaze and Traylor Davidson have been left perplexed after the Davidsons decided to give their newborn son the completely bizarre name of ”John”. “I can’t believe …
The Multiple Universes Theory perfectly explains those photos of me with another woman, Linda – by Professor H.H. Montgomery
by Professor H.H. Montgomery As a scientist, I grapple every day with the large questions about the nature of reality and try to find answers to the BIG questions. And so I am pleased to be able …
Improved mall map tells visitors how to just get to the goddamned Cinnabon
BURLINGTON – Visitors to an Ontario mall are raving about the newly implemented map system which clearly and concisely communicates to visitors how to just get to the freakin’ Cinnabon already. “…
