REGINA – Witnesses have reported seeing Conservative Party leader Andrew Scheer pleading with Elections Canada officials to allow him to re-do his vote after realizing that he mistakenly cast his vote for Trudeau’s Liberals.
“Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, you just have to let me do this over again. You don’t understand. I voted wrong!” Scheer pleaded in escalating pitches of desperation as he clawed his way back into the room.
“Mulligan! Mulligan!” he continued.
Insiders suggest that Scheer’s moment of panic ensued immediately after dropping his voting slip into the box at the Mâmawêyatitân Centre polling location for Regina- Qu’Appelle. Witnesses close to the leader stated that Scheer’s face paled and flop sweat immediately poured down his back as the realization of what he had just done settled in. Though he initially tried to pretend like nothing had happened, the fear that the press could catch wind of the blunder was apparently too much for Scheer to handle. Reports that security personnel were required to intervene in order to pry Scheer’s fingers out of the narrow cardboard slit into which the vote was cast are still unconfirmed.
“I just….. I’ve just been thinking about Trudeau so much lately. Like, EVERY DAY. And I guess he was on my mind when I was filling out my vote and….. I just….. I just….” the leader stammered as tears welled up in the corners of his eyes. “It’s not fair!”
Aides for the Conservative leader soon after engaged in negotiations with Elections Canada officials to see what could be done. Options such as asking everyone else in the riding to come back and vote again or letting Scheer cast two ballots “just this once” were immediately shot down.
“Ok, just give me five minutes with the voting box. I totally know which one is mine ‘cause I drew little devil horns on the names of all the other candidates before I filled it out,” Scheer requested, having regained his composure. “I can just scoop it out and totally pretend this never happened. No fuss, no muss.”
After being forcibly ejected from the polling centre for causing a scene, Scheer immediately initiated a conference call with Justin Trudeau telling him that it would be so funny if he would vote for the Conservatives “as a total goof.”